Shilling for Schools

So it’s that time of year where schools do their fundraising and your child gets to sell useless shit to your family and friends.  I’m sorry, that’s unfair.  In the past couple of years, at Rissa’s school, they’ve been selling magazine subscriptions which can actually be good things.  They make good Christmas presents and such.  Much better than selling chocolate bars or freaking candles.  She comes home with the special catalogue and I spend immeasurable time tittering over the titles.

There is a Canadian Stamp News and  Canadian Coin News.  There is Dog Fancy and Cat Fancy – which pretty much makes me think of animals dressing up in tuxedos and ballgowns – perhaps with accompanying capes.

Horses are apparently VERY big in the magazine world.  For instance, did you know there is a Canadian Horse Journal (Central
& Atlantic Edition) AND a Canadian Horse Journal (Pacific &
Prairie Edition)?  There is Horse & Rider, Horse Canada, Horse Country, Horse Illustrated, Horse Sport and Horses All.  I am not making this shit up.    Wait!  Wait!  There is also Western Horse Review!   Sadly I could not find neither Unicorn Style nor Dolphin Fancy – which I think would most definitely sell if all the horse stuff does.   Tween girls and closet stuffie collectors would totally eat that crap up!

My two favourites have to be PREDATOR XTREME  “Predator Xtreme’s target audience consists of predator and varmint hunters.”  Yes, you read that right “varmint hunters.” Yep, Elmer Fudd has a magazine aimed at him.   AND… wait for it… GUN DOG “Tips Training and Expert Features.”   And all I can picture is a Labradoodle with and AK-47.  “You’ll never take me alive coppers!!”  I am supposed to be ordering magazines right now, and instead I’m making my way through the catalogue… and snorting with laughter… AGAIN.  Wait!  I just found FRANCE “The next best thing to being there.”  Sometimes it really is the little things.