Upper body suckage…

So the other day after my walk, I had a small reserve of energy and I thought that I’d mow the lawn.  David usually does it but I was thinking I’d get major spouse points if I did it for him.  Except  I couldn’t start it.  I tried like 10 freaking times to yank the starter thingie.  Nothing.  And now both my arms were strained on account of the fact that I tried with my left arm when my right arm couldn’t do it.

Why I would think to even try my left arm, when my right arm is OBVIOUSLY the stronger one, I don’t know.  I could have plugged in the electric mower, but that is a real pain in the ass.  Of course now thinking about it, I’m feeling guilty for not having tried it, but I almost always  mow over the cord, which even I know is bad.

Can they (whomever ‘they’ are) not have a gas-powered mower that you don’t have to dislocate your shoulder to start?  I hate to say it, but can they not make a girlie mower?  I mean, I’m not some frail little flower here.  I actually HAVE arm muscles.  I can do pushups (real ones) and everything.  I’m one of those girls folks refer to as “STRONG LIKE BULL.”  I can heft things.  (As long as I’m lifting with my legs too, you know, so my lower back doesn’t go out and I don’t displace a rib.)

So I messaged David and he said “Did you hold the lever down?”  And I thought AH-HAH!  That must be it!  I didn’t hold the emergency release lever down.  So I  went out and tried again, holding the emergency release lever down…  and…  NOTHING!!!  (Why you need to hold that down while you’re mowing doesn’t even make sense to me.)  Now the slight strain on my arms had morphed into real strain.  And I was getting stressed about it too, so now my angina kicked in.  So then I needed to have a rusty nail and lie down for a bit.

And then of course, David came home and he could just do it – ZIP BOOM – because he’s a man and stupid men have more stupid upper body strength (by and large) than women.  I’m not being a dismissive of feminine strength here girls, I mean, maybe there are tonnes of you out there who have crazy-ass upper body strength and awe the general populace when you’re called in to tighten lugnuts for your neighbours and such.  I’m wallowing in my own personal physical ineffectuality here… I might need a moment and another rusty nail.