Ball Gag Mouth Warmers
“I have a plan!” he says. “I know what we can use!”
“For what?”
“Your outside angina.”
“Excuse me?” I gave him the “I couldn’t have possibly heard that correctly” look.
He rolls his eyes at me. “AN–gina. I said Angina.”
“Okay, that makes WAY more sense to me. I was a bit confused by the whole outside vs. inside notion – it pretty much HAS to be inside, doesn’t it?”
He shoots me a look.
“Wow. Tough Crowd. Okay. Tell me your plan!”
“Whenever you go outside in the winter and breathe, it sets off your angina, right?”
“Right.”
“So we can take a dryer ball with the air holes in it, cut it open and then insert a hotpocket handwarmer in it and make some ties to hold it on your head and… VOILA!”
“A ball-gag mouth warmer! AWESOME!”
“No, no, no!! That’s not what I meant… I meant…” he’s now obviously picturing it in his head … “Oh my God! It’s totally a ball gag mouth warmer.”
“But in blue,” I offer. “With pointy plastic spikey things. It would be a real conversation starter.”
Instead he ordered me these:
Look! It’s a minature flask – ON A CHAIN – so that I can have 1 oz. of emergency booze on me at all times!!!
AND he also got me this! It’s called the COLD AVENGER – It should really come with a cape to complete the ensemble.
Can’t wait to wear that around town. It’s almost like I’m Darth Vader.
Rissa says “I think you should just actually GET a Darth Vader mask. It would be WAY cooler.”
Tell Rissa, you don't want "cooler" you want "warmer"! oh geez, I'm starting the day with the bad jokes too…
I want one of those flasks too! Where'd he get it?