Bankrupted by the Bulk Barn

They all seem so innocent.  Those plexi-glassed bins, with their silver scoops.  The aisle with its spices and herbs – the colourful cake sprinkles.  The plastic bags with their attending labelling closures.   The cute little golf pencils, to label the afore-mentioned closures.  A little of this, a little of that…

“Ooooooh…. plantain chips!  I LOVE plantain chips.  Aztec hot chocolate?  That’s a must-have!”

Then you get to the cash and you find out that the 18 small items in your shopping basket, which don’t even fill half the basket, total (attending ominous music) …

“I’m sorry?  The total is WHAT?!?  Is the coloured sugar actually coloured cocaine??  This is less than ONE bag of food!!  $89.21?!?”

When you finally have that receipt in your hands, you are a crazy person.  You are the wife of a suspected philandering husband.  Your eyes flash over the totals.  Is this really stevia sweetener or is it diamond dust? What’s that charge??  I just spent $6.78 for a scant cup and a half of white chocolate chips?!?

You’ve got to know your shit at the Bulk Barn.  The gluten free section??  HAH!  Gluten-free all purpose flour, pre-mixed, is 83¢  per 100 grams.  If you buy the individual ingredients separately and just mix it together at home?  32¢  per 100 grams.  And yet, it’s still a billion times more expensive than regular flour.

And then add to that, the emergency mid-afternoon sugar-crash snacks that you buy, which, if you could just eat a chocolate bar instead, you could grab at the freaking Dollarama, and you’d spend less than 5 dollars on a week’s worth of mid-day sustenance to stabilize your wayward blood sugar.  But no, you’re at the Bulk Barn with their chrome impulse-buy shelves at the front cash. Those chrome shelves filled with Lara Bars and Luna bars and everything else that’s so healthful and fucking pretentious… gluten free, dairy free, egg free, soy free, non GMO, vegan, kosher… and they cost between $1.79 and a gazillion dollars per bar, but sweet glucose index, you’re eating healthy.

I come back from the Bulk Barn and I have to shift funds from one bank account to another to cover the impending shortage.  No seriously.  Sunday after I was at Bulk Barn – I had to move money around.  On the plus side?  I do have miniature muffin wrappers with adorable gingerbread men on them sure to elicit “Aren’t they adorable?” murmurs at our holiday tea this year.