You’d think I’d know better…

So last night was the night before I’m the Matron of Honour in a wedding party.  What time did I get to bed?  2:45 a.m.  Not because I was partying beforehand at the rehearsal dinner.  (Although I did see a friend totally kick ass in a drag king contest!!!  Woo-hoo!)  But I was home at 11 freaking 30 p.m. and made the mistake of checking my email and then my brain woke up.  So I was playing Scrabble and answering messages and chatting.  And then it was 2:45 and I went to bed and David said “ARE YOU CRAZY?!?”  To which I replied “Well, yes…  Oh… but you mean because it’s so late.”  And then, as I was falling asleep I was totally having anxious bride moments:

OH MY GOD!  WE DIDN’T SET 3 OF THE TABLES (we totally did)

OH MY GOD!  WE DIDN’T CLEAR THE PIZZA BOXES OFF THE DANCE FLOOR!  (totally did and the groomsmen can worry about all that shit today before we get there.)

OH MY GOD!  THE HALL DOESN’T HAVE A CEILING!   (!?!)

OH MY GOD!  RON MCLEAN IS PERFORMING AS A DRAG KING.  WAIT!  THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE – RON MCLEAN IS A DUDE.  DRAG QUEEN?  DON MCLEAN?  WHAT IS HE/SHE SINGING?  (that’s when I knew I was just confabulating shit.)

Apparently the bride gave me all her pre-wedding anxiety cause she slept like  a freaking baby. You’re welcome Amber!

At 7:55 a.m.  Minuit, our VERY fat black cat, decided that I must arise from bed.  David had already put food down for all the cats, but she was adamant that I had to get up.  The thing you need to know about Minuit is that she sounds like Edward G. Robinson when she talks.  Or at least she sounds like how Mel Blanc used to voice Edward G. Robinson.  Check it out for the 2:08 mark – and every time he saysYEAH?  YEAH?  Imagine it’s “MEOW,  MEOW.”

Palpating my hips, my stomach, my neck.  “Hey.”  palpate palpate.   MEOW.  MEOW!!!”  Palpate, palpate…  “MEOW!”  Head butt, nibble on chin, pat, pat, pat on face.  “HEY!”  Climbing over my abdominal aorta and cut off my blood supply for a second.  “MEOW!”    And then I was up. 

But now, it is 3 hours later, and I shall attempt an hour long nap so that I won’t fall into a sleep-deprived coma in my platform stillettos later today.   This photo?  This is the photo of Heather as she did a face plant during the meal.  That is baked potato  We had a baked potato bar!  And what’s sad?  I can remember being able to stay up for much later and having much less sleep than this and still managing to cope the next day.  Without caffeine either, ’cause I never used to drink coffee.  Okay sure, that was probably in my 20s, although come to think of it if I was up for 24 hours then my legs would just KILL me the next day, even then.   Oh how the mighty have fallen.