I might have an aneurysm first…

Shoot me now.  Just put me out of my misery.  Our house is on the market.  My OCD is going into hyper drive.  Our house cannot maintain ‘spotless’ – it really can’t.  It’s like the opposite of a half-life.  Our environment can remain clean/tidy for about 3.2 hours.  It then reverts back to its natural state of ‘lived-in.’  And my version of clean?  Very different from David and Rissa’s. I used to be a Molly Maid.  If I missed a spot, I could get have my pay docked. 

I will lose my mind.  There are nicks and dings on the baseboards and people have been coming into my house!!!  I need to get my quart of paint and a detailing brush. Right now!  The bath mats need to be vacuumed.  Fully vacuumed.  Not what happens when I ask David to vacuum them, but REAL vacuuming.

We decided on the spur of the moment to list the house.  “Hey you know what would be fun to do in the midst of all the other things we’re doing this winter?!?  SELL THE HOUSE!!!“  (palm slap to forehead) 

All our windows were sealed in the fall and of course we didn’t clean between the inside and storm windows. There are freaking cobwebs and dust in some of those windows because boys?  Boys don’t see that kind of dirt!  It’s winter in Canada, I can’t just go willy-nilly and unseal windows and re-clean everything.  What a freaking pain in the ass that would be.  But now that I’ve thought about it, there I’ll be, stripping the removable caulking and vacuuming the window ledges and washing the windows.  FUCK.  David says, “No one notices those things.”  I do.  I notice these things.  And I’m sure there are other anal people out there who will too.

Whenever we sold our other houses, Rissa and I would just disappear for a week or so and the house would be sold expediently – zip, zap, zoom!  But this house, oh this house… This ginormous century home in a small town, it’s going to take more than a week to sell.  And I can’t leave while that happens because I have commitments.  Although…  if I go temporarily insane I could be committed to the psych ward of a local hospital for a month or so?  That would relieve me of all of my responsibilities.  That holds some appeal.