You know you’re old when…

So this is how it goes is it?  I now injure myself sitting.  I came home the other night, and I ached, oh how I ached.  I could barely walk.  My hips, my knees, even my ankles refused give me support.  Apparently they were going out dancing, maybe speed skating or snowboarding while I was…. what?  Blacked out?  Had my nightcaps begun to excise actual time from my life?

What had I done?  NOTHING!!!  I went over my day.  I hadn’t been running, I’d walked to work.  How was it different??  HOW?  The only thing different was that I’d worn heels.  Small wedged heeled boots. And then, later that evening, I wore a part of emerald green heels for an event at which I was performing. Am I reduced to that?  Wearing a pair of 3 inch heels prompts a bout of … what?   Bursitis?  How is that even possible?  I shouldn’t even know about bursitis!  I am 45 freaking years old!  But there were the joints of my legs – causing me such pain that silent tears rolled down my cheeks as I crawled up the stairs to find anti-inflammatories.  What had I done?  It couldn’t just be the heels… could it?

Didn’t hit me until yesterday when I was sitting in the family room, in front of the ottoman, gearing up to wrap more Christmas presents.  My hips and knees complained as I descended.  It didn’t feel right – put stress on my already sore joints.

My lightbulb moment happened when I reached for the ribbon.  Oh, sweet merciful Jesus!  I had injured myself wrapping presents. That is what I’ve come to.  Sitting on the floor causes too much strain on my body.  I look like this hardy, stalwart girl – broad of shoulder – with now matronly hips, strong thighs…  but in actuality I am Camille – one sit away from rheumatism and one breath away from consumption.

So, here’s what I’ll be required to do from now on.  Calisthenics in the morning.  You know, to limber up so that I can… SIT.  I’d better start doing something.  Women in my family are long lived.  It’ll be a painful next 50 years if I don’t get my shit together.