From 0 to RAGE in .5 seconds

It’s not just road rage. Although following a driver who doesn’t know how to merge, signal or meet the speed limit will most definitely set me off.

“What the FUCK are you DOING?!? There is a whole lane for you to MERGE INTO!!! You don’t have to SLOW down to 10 kph you brainless WASTE OF SPACE!!!”

I’m 27 days away from opening a one-woman show. My first performance of a one-woman show in 20 years. It should be no surprise that I’m stressed.

But somehow, with this stress? Instead of bursting into tears at random shit, I now want to MAIM whatever has thrown off my groove.

“Heather, put the kettle down,” David says gently.

“What?” I’m holding the kettle at eye level, ready to launch it across the room. “It’s leaking, but I have no fucking clue where the FUCKING leak is coming from!”

“O…kay.” David takes the kettle from my hands and places it back on its stand. “Maybe wait until the kettle isn’t full of freshly boiled water.”

I look at David, then at the still-steaming kettle, then back to David. I take a deep breath. “I might need to go for a walk.”

David moves to stand between me and the kettle. “A walk sounds like a great idea!”

As we head down the street, I take some deep breaths. My arms go up into the air. I roll my shoulders back several times.

David asks, “Are you still fixating on the kettle?”

“YES!!” I stop. I think. “No. Not really. My mind isn’t thinking about the kettle. My body is fixated on the kettle.”

David’s eyebrows question me.

“My chest is tight, I’m slightly nauseated and I still really, really want to swear.”

“Maybe keep rolling those shoulders back,” he suggests.