My daughter is insane.

From MotivatedPhotos.com

No seriously.  She really is.  It hits her at bedtime.  She loses her mind.  But only with me.  Not with David.  She retains sanity for her father, and abandons it ALL for me.  ALL OF IT.

Tonight, as I was lying beside her with my book at 9:45 p.m., she would NOT stop talking. She rolled next to me so that we were shoulder to shoulder and looked over at me with her hazel eyes.

“Which movie is Death in?”

Yes folks – this is what goes on when she should already be asleep!   I am merely a passenger on the Rissa Ride of Insanity.  What’s scary though, is that I know EXACTLY what she’s talking about.  I immediately thought of the Seventh Seal, but Rissa doesn’t know about the Seventh Seal, but she does know about…

“The second movie.  Bill and Ted’s…”

“Bogus Journey!!! You see?  You see Mummy?  We are like…” she make a motion between her forehead and mine with her fingers…  “It’s like we read each other’s minds!!!”

“Go to sleep.”

***

“Guess what I’m doing right now!”

 I look over at her, she’s moving up and down a bit.  “Are you clenching your butt?”

“I AM!”   She moves up and down and is moving her arms in a half curl.  “What am I doing now?”

“Going to sleep?”

“Yes,
but I am ALSO clenching my butt and lifting weights!”  She accompanies
this with grimaces as if she might possibly be in contention for an
Olympic medal in weight-lifting.

***

“Aren’t you going to snuggle with me?”

“I am snuggling.”

“No, you’re not, you’re reading.”

She moves my left arm so that she can plop her head down on my chest.  Her nose is close to my armpit.

“Your armpits smell SO good!  How can they smell this good?”

“You need to stop talking and go to sleep.”

“I am sleeping.”

“So this is just talking in your sleep?”

“Exactly.”

“Go to sleep.”

“I am asleep.”

“Stop talking.”

“I have stopped.”

“Rissa, do I need to smother you with a pillow?”

“Don’t smother me with a pillow!”

“I will if you don’t stop talking.”

***

I look over at Rissa.  She is stuck to me like glue – all I see are her eyes above my bicep.

“Your boobs look really big in this dress!”

“Do you need attention?”

“YES.  PLEASE!!! PLEASE GIVE ME ATTENTION!!!”  She waggles her eyebrows at me in supplication.

“You are a goof.”

***

“Can I just say one last thing?”

I give her a look of disbelief.

“Okay, it might not be last thing, but I’ll really try.”

“Okay.  One last thing then you must GO. TO. SLEEP.“

“So you remember how Julia was in my room for acro at the dance camp?”

“Yes.”

“So Julia didn’t want to do log rolls down the cheese.”

“O…kay.”

“So we made a deal and I said to Julia, ‘Julia if I go down the cheese then you can go down the cheese too, okay?’  And she said, ‘Okay.‘   So then I went down the cheese and when I finished I said, ‘Okay Julia, it’s now your turn.’  ‘I don’t want to go down the cheese.’  ‘But Julia, you said that you would do it.’

At this point Rissa touches her forehead to mine and gives me a meaningful just-wait for it look.
“And then Mummy, Julia said,  ‘I LIED.’  Isn’t that awesome??”

Ladies and Germs, a Gymnastics Cheese Mat – clear now?

***

“You’re kissing me right?”

“Only if you’re going to sleep.”

She purses her lips into an ape-like kissy face that touches her top lip to her nose.  I kiss her on her lips, give her butterfly kisses with my eyes to hers and the we touch noses.

“Night-Night.  Sleep Tight.  Good-Night.”

“Night-Night.  Sleep Tight.  Good-Night.”

Then Rissa makes a pig snorting sound, accompanied by the raising of a fist in an ‘up yours’ gesture.  I return it.

“Mummy I love you.”

“I love you too.”