Instant Coffee = Gateway Drug

There used to be a time when I could drink flavoured Nescafe instant coffee and think it was good.  I drank it weak.  I drank it full of sugar.  Really what I drank was a hot milk shake with what amounted to a wee bit of coffee flavouring.  Then it all changed with Alice.  Alice made good strong coffee – and once you’ve had good you really can’t go back to crappy.

I now triple filter my coffee.  I pour double the amount of grounds used for a single cup into the filter, then pour 8 oz of just-boiled water over it.  I then take the weak coffee from the carafe and pour it through into my latte mug and then I do it a third time, draining it back into the carafe (being careful not to tear the, now-sodden, filter), just to try to approximate the taste of what you can get from a barista.  And what about that?  I just typed BARISTA!?!  I can use barista correctly in a freaking sentence!!  What the Pooh?!?   

I still don’t drink the really good/expensive coffee. I don’t store my own beans in an opaque, airtight container (not in the freezer) before I grind them in a fancy schmancy grinder.  I don’t have organic espresso.  I buy President’s Choice Decaf Hazelnut/Vanilla coffee already ground because I’m a coffee pussy who likes her coffee to basically taste like ice cream.  I can’t handle caffeine because of my hot flashes and I can’t do dairy because it makes my throat all mucousy.  So I go through this rigmarole* of triple filtering to get myself a decaf, hazelnut/vanilla soy latte in the morning, going through twice as much coffee in a week all because Alice made good coffee.  Damn you Alice!!!  DAMN YOU!!!!  (Closeup of me yelling into the camera with a long pull-back from a crane.)  Next?  Next I’m going to be buying a freaking French Press. How fucking pretentious is that?!?

* So up until JUST NOW I thought that the word was “rig-a-ma-role”  /ˈrig(ə)məˌrōl/ There is no ‘a’ after the ‘g.’  Although there is the implied short ‘e’ in the pronunciation.  Who knew?