“Pass me the scalpel,” I say.
“No,” says David.
“Please?”
“No.”
“Don’t you even want to know what it’s for?”
“No.”
“I’m not going to use it for anything bad.”
“You’re going to cut into your body right?”
“Well, yeah, but just…”
“And it’ll probably be near an important artery, right?”
“I would completely avoid any arteries..”
“No.”
“I’ll just get it myself then.”
“We don’t have one.”
(beat)
“Can we please buy a scalpel?”
“No.”
David recently treated me to a romantic weekend away in the big city. He planned it all. We stayed in a hotel. We had fancy dinners. He even packed for me. He organized (ahem) activities. And by activities I mean… SEX… and lots of it, without your child’s ears in close proximity. In fact, having…
“That will be $232.31 – would you like to use your $10 reward from your PC points?” says the teenager cashier at No Frills. “I’m sorry it was HOW much?” “$232.31.” “Yes. Yes, I would like to use my $10 in reward points.” I say as calmly as I can, while inside my head I…
It’s not just road rage. Although following a driver who doesn’t know how to merge, signal or meet the speed limit will most definitely set me off. “What the FUCK are you DOING?!? There is a whole lane for you to MERGE INTO!!! You don’t have to SLOW down to 10 kph you brainless WASTE…
Leafing through Woman’s World while waiting at the vet’s office… Ad after ad after ad for drugs/products that spend the last 1/16th of their page on the small print. WARNING: may cause dizziness, nausea, itchiness, dry mouth, sneezing, anxiety, twitching, muscle aches, depression, seizures, anal leakage, loss of feeling in your left foot, temporary blindness,…
“Do you see this?” I ask. “What?” David is towelling his hair. “This.” I turn the left side of my face to him. “This.” He comes closer. Looks. Then looks again. “I don’t see anything.” “This.” I use my finger to show him what I’m talking about. “I don’t see anything.” “I’m growing a beard.”…
While reading Wired this morning at breakfast, there was a photo for Marriott (EXPERIENCE the world of MARRIOTT!) with 40-somethings laughing and using an IPad to show how hip and ‘Now’ they are while enjoying glasses of red wine. Two gentlemen – one with a greying, well-groomed beard and another with trendy glasses + a…