The Dreaded Spread
I always thought that middle-aged meant 45. Top-end could reach 50 or 51.5, given that my Granny lived to be 103…
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Should’ve gone with the thong
Ahhhhh… the switch from spring to summer. The shining sun chased by storm clouds, followed by more sun, whipping wind, more clouds… and palpable humidity. I eschew humidity. I seek out shade. I slather on sunblock 50. When the humidex rises and my sun-worshipping friends bask in its oppressive heated blanket of ick, I morph…
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…a… five six seven eight!!
“Whatcha doing tomorrow night?” I text Rissa. “Do you feel like having a sleepover?” “Yes! Definitely,” she responds. “Only thing on my schedule is a dance class at 8:00 pm.” “I could ride up on the subway with you and then wait while you do the class,” I suggest. “Sure that works!” “Okey dokey. What’s…
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And that’s what you get from 41 years of sticking fingers in your eyes
In 1981, while conjugating the verb être in French class – my vision blurred. I blinked… blinked again. I then stuck the tips of my middle fingers into my eyes, discovering an abundance of eye guck loitering beneath my eye balls. rheum noun ˈrüm : a watery discharge from the mucous membranes especially of the eyes or nose…
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I’m sweating WHERE now?
I’m at the kitchen table playing word games on my laptop. I have my Google timer set for 6.5 minutes of cool down. Cool down time is vital to surviving a HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) workout. Otherwise, you’re still sweating IN the shower. And you continue to sweat AFTER you’ve finished the shower. Freshly…
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It appears I’ve been catfished…
“You’ve what?” asks Rissa, slightly laggy on her end of the video call. “Who have you been talking to? What did you do?” “Nothing,” I say. “I think it’s just my age.” “It’s what? What do you mean it’s your age?” “I think you just get to a certain age and…” “You think there are…
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I’ve ordered HOW much from Amazon?!?
I’ve managed to curb non-essential spending by online window shopping and pinning the fuck out of colourful things on Pinterest…
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Is it pore cleansing or waxing your nose?
Okay, so those Bioré nose strips? Is that accent aigu real? I mean, is it actually French or is it like Hӓagen-Dazs where they decided to make it sound fancier and European for the cachet of it all?
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Downward Braless Dog
With my head tucked, my oversized Aerie shirt slides up over my face…
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The Humpback near the Cenotaph
I swear I was not being intentionally disrespectful. I just couldn’t take it any more…
