Not after you’ve had a baby vaginally you can’t…
We took Rissa to Sky Zone in honour of her 13th birthday. In case you’ve been under a rock, Sky Zone is Trampoline Heaven. It is an indoor TRAMPOLINE PARK!! Imagine a velodrome, but covered in trampolines!!!! I know, right?!? After having seen versions of this mythic place popping up in people’s Facebook feed, David and I were so excited to discover there was one a mere hour and 15 minutes away!! Sure, we were going ‘for Rissa,’ but really it was so we could bounce ourselves.
I made sure that I peed before I got onto the tramps. (Okay, now I’m visualizing myself either on top of hobos or really drunk chicks, depending on my mood.) It’s a good thing that I did pee before I bounced – otherwise I would have drenched not only my crotch, but my pant legs and probably those tramps as well.
2 bounces. One to test the waters (oh the irony of that) and one to see how high I could get… Not very high. It was the 2nd that had me squirting into my panties. (And not in a good way.) 2 bounces folks. Sure I could do gentle, sorry-ass bounces and not wet myself, but any time I actually tried to show true trampoline form (I used to be a frickin’ gymnast for God’s sake!) I peed my pants. I could NOT take a nice wide stance before bouncing high into the air, legs coming together, toes pointed. I couldn’t concentrate on pointing my toes when I was concertrating on NOT drenching my pants with urine. I couldn’t bounce from tramp to tramp, because every time I gathered enough kinetic energy to leap, I’d pee a little.
David was bouncing all over the place like that freakin’ Jackalope from Boundin’. He was bouncing off the side walls and leaping ALL over the place, chortling like a mad man. He was giddy with joy. It was a sight to see.
Next time, I’m totally wearing a pair of Depends and I’m doing a frickin’ routine – with my toes pointed.
 |
NOT what I looked like yesterday
|