The Right way to do Laundry
David
and I are doing laundry at my parents’ place. It’s such a
lovely day that we decide that we’re going to hang the clothes on the line to
dry. After about 5 mintues, from within the house, I hear shrieks from my
female relatives. My mother, Granny,
Gran and Aunt Bea are all in the kitchen.
My Mother’s voice assaults me from across the deck.
and I are doing laundry at my parents’ place. It’s such a
lovely day that we decide that we’re going to hang the clothes on the line to
dry. After about 5 mintues, from within the house, I hear shrieks from my
female relatives. My mother, Granny,
Gran and Aunt Bea are all in the kitchen.
My Mother’s voice assaults me from across the deck.
“Heather! What are you doing?” my mother yells to me.
“I’m
hanging up the laundry.”
hanging up the laundry.”
“You
don’t hang up laundry that way!”
don’t hang up laundry that way!”
“Pardon
me?”
me?”
“You
don’t hang up laundry that way!”
don’t hang up laundry that way!”
“What
way?”
way?”
“One
sock, one towel, one t-shirt…”
sock, one towel, one t-shirt…”
“What?”
“You
have to hang things up in groups.”
have to hang things up in groups.”
“What?”
“You
have to hang things up in groups. All
the t-shirts, all the socks, all the underwear…”
have to hang things up in groups. All
the t-shirts, all the socks, all the underwear…”
“Who
says?”
says?”
“It’s
just the way it’s done!”
just the way it’s done!”
“Why?”
“Because
it makes a nicer looking clothes line.”
it makes a nicer looking clothes line.”
“What,
are the laundry police going to come out and give us a ticket?”
are the laundry police going to come out and give us a ticket?”
“Don’t
you get smart!”
you get smart!”
“All
I want to know is who decided that this was the way laundry has to be
dried? I mean, does it dry faster your
way?”
I want to know is who decided that this was the way laundry has to be
dried? I mean, does it dry faster your
way?”
“You
are not too old for the wooden spoon young lady!”
are not too old for the wooden spoon young lady!”
My mother still threatens me with the wooden spoon. If I swear in the house, she’ll threaten. If I’m too sarcastic, she’ll threaten. If I make a face … you name it, if I’m ‘sassy,’ she’ll bring out
the spoon. The thing is – I don’t
actually remember her ever using the wooden spoon. I just remember hearing
about the spoon.
the spoon. The thing is – I don’t
actually remember her ever using the wooden spoon. I just remember hearing
about the spoon.
Let
me give you an idea about the type of person my Mom is. She is the classiest woman I know, even when
she’s leg wrestling. My husband
challenged her to a match and she kicked his ass! She’s one of my best friends. Not everyone has the privilege of having a
friendship with their mother. I do. Not
only do I get along with her – I actually choose to spend time with her,
especially when she’s singing obnoxiously at the top of her voice “I am the CHAMPION! I AM THE CHAMPION!!” And then doing her half-assed attempt at a fist pump.
me give you an idea about the type of person my Mom is. She is the classiest woman I know, even when
she’s leg wrestling. My husband
challenged her to a match and she kicked his ass! She’s one of my best friends. Not everyone has the privilege of having a
friendship with their mother. I do. Not
only do I get along with her – I actually choose to spend time with her,
especially when she’s singing obnoxiously at the top of her voice “I am the CHAMPION! I AM THE CHAMPION!!” And then doing her half-assed attempt at a fist pump.
“Whu-whu-whu-whu-whu!”
And
you know, no matter how old I am, no matter how much knowledge I have, my
Mother will always know more than I do.
Because she did it all first. And
I’ll always turn to her and ask for her advice.
Sure, the details of the advice may not be exactly what I want to hear,
but I know that regardless of generation gaps and differences of opinion, a lot
of these things that she tells me? Are
exactly what I need to hear. And what’s
scary? It really does make a nicer
looking clothes line.
you know, no matter how old I am, no matter how much knowledge I have, my
Mother will always know more than I do.
Because she did it all first. And
I’ll always turn to her and ask for her advice.
Sure, the details of the advice may not be exactly what I want to hear,
but I know that regardless of generation gaps and differences of opinion, a lot
of these things that she tells me? Are
exactly what I need to hear. And what’s
scary? It really does make a nicer
looking clothes line.
*This piece is an excerpt from my show How to Leave Adolescence at 30 written in 1999. As I stumbled about in our laundry room this morning – it seemed appropriate.
