Some things have to be documented.
“You guys just don’t understand!!”
“Nobody else’s mother does this, you know…” mutters Rissa.
“Yes, but this needs to be documented! I’ve been suffering for at least two weeks now!” I’m sitting in front of the webcam.
“She’s right Heather, this is weird… even for you,” David chimes in.
“Why are you guys laughing?”
“Why?” asks David. “Because not only are you taking a picture of an ingrown hair you pulled from your neck, you’re taking a picture of that ingrown hair, while listening to “I’m Kissing You” from Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet.”
“I’m multi-tasking!”
David and Rissa share a look.
“But this,” I say, brandishing my tweezers, “was in my neck! THIS! A freaking Brillo Pad hair! Feel it!” I run over to David, thrusting the closed tweezers at him. “Feel this! Just FEEL it!!”
Eyes wide, face blanketed in ‘just humour her,’ he feels the hair caught between the tweezers. He raises his eyebrows. “That is, indeed, a Brillo Pad hair. I can see why having it in your neck would bother you.”
“I know… right? Rissa, you should take a look at this!”
“No, I”m good thanks.”
“Just feel it. So you understand my pain.”
“No, really… I’m okay Ma….”
“Heather, stop terrorizing her,” begs David.
“I’m not terrorizing her.”
“You are chasing her around with a plucked neck hair held between sharp tweezers.”
“You guys just don’t understand. I’ve been waiting at least 20 minutes to even see if this was what I thought it was.”
David looks at me like I’m nuts… again.
“During the movie (we’d been watching Terminator 2), I was picking and picking and picking at it and felt something, and I looked down and thought that it might be an ingrown hair, but couldn’t be sure until I did a proper examination in brighter light, so I waited a whole other 20 minutes, with it balanced on my pointer finger, until I could go upstairs and grab the tweezers and make sure.”
“You sat, holding a potential ingrown hair on your index finger for 20 minutes?”
Even I, at this point, realize that I’m sounding a little… odd.
“I’d been losing my mind – it was like I was growing a second head, out of my neck.”
“And that’s what was causing you to lose you mind, huh?”
“This time, yes.”
