What’s bigger than SUPER PLUS?

“Do tampons come in anything bigger than SUPER PLUS size?” asks Rissa.

“I didn’t even know they came in a SUPER PLUS size…” I answer.

“They do.”

I only pick up Rissa-sized things.  Having fully converted to the Diva Cup a while ago – I haven’t purchased tampons for me in so long.  I do my best to recall the Shoppers Drug Mart Feminine Hygiene shelves: lite, regular and super… you know that box, with all three sizes all together – purple, yellow and green… IS there a SUPER PLUS?  What colour is it?  I’m thinking about how much cotton would comprise something bigger than a SUPER PLUS tampon and the logistics of said tampon’s insertion for a woman who hasn’t given birth yet.

“Really?  There’s a SUPER PLUS?  You’re not just making that up?”

“Nope.  They’re orange.”

“Huh…  Okay then.  SUPER SPECTACULAR PLUS size?” I suggest, with accompanying jazz hands.  I’m already envisioning a 30 foot high marquee celebrating them.  I feel it warrants song.

“SU-PER SPEC-TAC-U-LAR PLUUUUUUUUUUUS!!!”

Rissa snorts.

“WHEN THE PLUS – JUST AIN’T ENOUGH
AND YOU NEED MOOOOOORE…
HEAD DOWN THE STREET – MOVE YOUR FEET
GET TO THAT STOOOOOORE


YOUR MENSES – WILL BE RELIEVED
PROTECTION – SURELY ACHIEVED
ALMOST A PLEASURE NOW TO BLEEEEEEEEEEED…

SU-PER SPEC-TAC-U-LAR PLUUUUUUUUUUUS!!!

(Now with added SPARKLE and PIZZAZZ!!!)