I laugh with everyone else when they post texts from their Mom peppered with profanity as the auto-correct takes hold of the device. I’m sure that if my Mom were texting me, her messages would be equally hilarious.
Typing too fast in Scrabble chat gives almost the same effect.
This is a sarcastic dance. You know what I’m talking about ladies. It’s awesome, right? You’re sitting at the computer before bed, trying to get some work done or at least check in on the state of the universe. You’re in some sort of nightie/chemise/tank top – sans bra – because wearing a bra in…
“If you had a fake laugh what would it be?” Rissa asks as we’re walking to her dance studio. (We have one car, David takes it to school, if David’s late at work, we have to figure transportation shit out. Rissa opted for the walking option instead of biking. This happened half way through our…
“I’m okay,” I murmur, transfixed by my reflection…
WARNING: BIG time bad words in this post.
I’m not sure whether this is a migraine-induced bout of aphasia or if I can now add Tourette’s Syndrome to my list of disabilities…
“Rissa, if I were a dude, would I be a douche?” I ask – brushing through my hair after my morning shower. “Pardon?” “If I was a guy, do you think that I’d be the type of guy who’d be kind of douchey?” “Other parents don’t ask these questions.” “I just had this thought, is…
The last time I went to Sky Zone Trampoline Park – for Rissa’s 11th birthday – I was unprepared. Even though I had ’emptied’ my bladder twice before stepping onto the trampoline, my baby-stretched urethra gave up on the first bounce. (Not to say that I gave birth through my urethra – childbirth doesn’t work…