Sprung from my loins…
Have been experiencing technical difficulties… (will explain later) posting on the fly…
Rissa gave me this card for Mother’s Day…
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Mother’s Day without the crap
In my search for the perfect Mother’s Day cards for my mothers-in-law this week – (and that isn’t a typo – I have THREE mothers-in-law. Do the math on that one!) – I came upon the worst of the worst of cards. Treacly, forced rhyme crap cards that had me near to vomiting in the…
Out of the mouth of Rissa…
“Agnes the camel has three humps…” “Agnes the camel?” “Yes.” “O….kay…” “Agnes the camel has three humps… Wallace the camel has two humps…” “You don’t remember the actual song, do you?” “No.” “It’s Alice the camel, although I have to say that I prefer Agnes now…” “Well, obviously.” “It’s Alice the camel has 10, 9…
DON’T STEP ON THE TEETH!!
“Uh-oh,” I say as I’m about to step into my bedroom…
Heart of Darkness Dance Party
“OH MY GOD!” Rissa exclaims. “What?” I ask, glancing up from my e-reader. “This,” she says, indicating her book. “THIS. STUPID. BOOK.” “What are you reading?” “Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness. ARGH!” The book has fallen from her hands and banged her on the head. “Dude. Careful.” “It’s not me! IT’S. THIS. STINKING. BOOK.” She…
Chawing on one’s neck…
Yesterday, before heading into the backyard to weed everything that had the sheer mendacity to raise its head beyond the mulch, I sprayed my entire body with citronella. Every inch. And then, as a mosquito sexually assaulted me – sticking its nasty proboscis INTO my jaw – I realized – FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING…
And that’s when the 2 year old monkey copped a feel…
Rissa had two big firsts over the weekend. She was french kissed AND felt up. By a two year old. In a monkey suit. The kid got to 2nd base under the guise of a ‘tickle fight.’ The kissing? Some good old toddler ‘affection.’ Afterwards we took Rissa out to dinner. You celebrate milestones when…
ROTFLMAO!!