Sprung from my loins…
Have been experiencing technical difficulties… (will explain later) posting on the fly…
Rissa gave me this card for Mother’s Day…
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GO Train Puppet Show
“Would you like to see a puppet show?” asks Rissa as we travel into Toronto on the GO Train. “YES!” David and I encourage enthusiastically. Rissa clears her throat and reaches into her bag. “TA-DAH!!!” She flourishes two Compak Tampons in their wrappers – one purple, one yellow. Holding them vertical, she presents them to…
Condom Races
“Anything interesting happen in school today?” “My Mom lost to Your Mom.” I gave her a look. She sighed, despairing for my ignorance. “In dodgeball today. We lost.” Ah yes. Rissa was in a Dodgeball tournament. She and her friends were split between two teams. Rissa’s team was “My Mom” and the other team was…
Mother’s Day without the crap
In my search for the perfect Mother’s Day cards for my mothers-in-law this week – (and that isn’t a typo – I have THREE mothers-in-law. Do the math on that one!) – I came upon the worst of the worst of cards. Treacly, forced rhyme crap cards that had me near to vomiting in the…
The House Hippo…
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!” from Rissa downstairs. “What? What is it?” I bolt to the top of the stairs. “This! JUST. LOOK. AT. THESE. PICTURES!“ “What are you looking at!?!” “I signed up for the House Hippo Instagram feed…” Oh thank God… She hadn’t found any of those pictures… House Hippos AKA Skinny Pigs AKA Hairless Guinea Pigs. …
When in doubt, add moustache!
“It hurts when I smile,” says Rissa, as we’re chatting before bed. She’d mentioned it earlier in the evening. “The zit?” I ask commiseratively. “The zit,” she confirms – pointing to the right of her nose. She then does a Vanna White flourish. She tilts her head to the side and flashes me her best…
Monster Child
“My friends think I’m a monster,” says Rissa. My spoonful of Rice Chex stops an inch from my mouth. “Because why?” “Because I don’t eat cereal.” I shoot her a disbelieving glance before shoveling my cereal into my mouth. I chew thoughtfully for a moment before swallowing. Then I shake my head. “I don’t get…
ROTFLMAO!!