In hindsight, perhaps I should have put on a bathrobe first…
But you know how it goes. You’ve just showered. You notice that at least one of the bulbs in the bathroom light fixture has died. You know that if you don’t fix it now, you won’t remember to do it later. So off I went, starkers, down the hall.
“It’s okay, I’m taking care of it!” I say as I head towards the stairs.
David glances my way, does a double take and then waggles his eyebrows. “Taking care of… (he pauses salaciously) …what?” he asks.
“NOTHING!” yells Rissa from her room. “YOU ARE TAKING CARE OF NOTHING!!” (She gets grossed out when we play the innuendo game.)
“Light. In the bathroom,” I call from downstairs. “I am fixing it.” I grab a bulb from the laundry room cupboard and sail back up the stairs, brandishing my light bulb with a triumphant “TA-DAH!!!” and head back into the bathroom, where I soon realize that I have nothing to stand on. I run back out into the office and grab the stool. “Not a problem! I’ve got this!”
I climb up on the chair, unscrew the bottom of the fixture and balance it precariously upon the shelf below me. Two bulbs. Two bulbs are out. sigh Not to worry! I simply refuse to be half-assed about this. This job will be completed! I screw in the one bulb, clamber down from the chair and run back downstairs (holding my untethered boobs this time, so that I don’t give myself a black eye).
“DON’T WORRY! I AM TAKING CARE OF IT!!!“
I come back upstairs with the second bulb, “See? All taken care of!” I climb back up on the stool once more and screw in the second bulb.
“LIGHT! WE HAVE LIGHT!!!!” I let out a stream of mad scientist laughter to cap the moment.
“MOOHOOHAHAHAAAAAH!!!”
I reach for the shade and stick my tongue out as I’m trying to thread it back onto the fixture. Then the cap pieces and a little washer thingie drops. But I now have the shade in my hands and I don’t really want to climb back down again. “Help! I need some help in here!”
“Mother, what have you done?” asks Rissa from her room.
“I just need an extra hand, but you should be warned that I’m…”
“Why are you ALWAYS naked?” asks Rissa from the doorway.
“I’m not ALWAYS naked.”
“Mostly.”
“I know that this present position of me naked up here on the stool isn’t maybe the thing you wanted in your brain this morning, and that me on a stool with you at floor level just isn’t cool, but would you please pass me those things?” I motion with the big toe on my left foot.
Managing to avert and roll her eyes at the same time, Rissa hands me the missing pieces. I put the shade back up and jump down. “SEE?!? I did it!!” I step back to admire my handiwork. I cock my head to one side – the fixture was now askew. I climb back up again to straighten the shade and this time, THIS time, it’s perfect.
“HAH-HAH! DONE!!“
A superhero now, hand on my hips, I pose. “My work here is done!” My right arms rises in front of me. I give a mighty salute and then stride to my room, majestically.
“Put your bathrobe on!”