Turns out I’m addicted to crack…

One of my absolute favourite things in the entire world is movie theatre popcorn.  With extra butter salt.  It’s pretty much like crack to me.  Our local theatre has a shaker of butter salt that they leave out for the patrons.  I shake it on and delight in my sodium intake.  Having popcorn at the movies is akin to having an orgasm during sex…  what’s the point of going if you don’t have one?

I did something really stupid today.  I looked up the calorie and fat content of movie theatre popcorn.  I don’t know what I could have possibly been thinking.  There’s no way that it ever could have been good news.  I just didn’t figure that it would be such monumentally BAD news.

Turns out a large popcorn, which I could totally eat all by myself, has around 1261 calories and over 70 grams of fat –  and that’s without adding the edible petroleum product that theatres like to pass off as “butter.”  That’s like eating two Big Macs at the movies.  And seeing as I feel sick after having just a single McDonald’s cheeseburger, when I read that comparative, I threw up a bit in my mouth and then had to swallow it.

I wept for a few minutes while I was reading the numbers.  Because why?  Because now I can’t, in good health conscience, eat movie theatre popcorn.  A large popcorn plus a regular drink at the movies is what I should be consuming in calories in a day.

“It’s over!” I wailed.  “We might as well NEVER go now!!  We’re going to just have to watch movies in in our stinky basement with low-fat microwave popcorn… FOREVER!!!“

David patted me on the back.  “Sweetie – it’s not like you eat the whole bag yourself.  We usually share it between at least the two of us and then if Rissa’s there – the three of us.”

I wiped at my tears and did some quick math calculations.  1261 ÷ 3 = 420.333333   I let out a great whoop of relief.  420 calories??  That’s what I try to eat for dinner.  “If we go to the movies at dinner time from here on out and only eat real healthy food the other major meals of the day, popcorn is totally doable.  I’ll get a tap water instead of pop, and we can still get a small bag of M&Ms and that’s only 500 calories that I’ll have ingested!!!  Boo-freaking-yeah baby!!!”

Begin Happy Dance!