Failure to Affix
For weeks now, in preparation for our impending move, we’ve been packing up our ginormous home. Over the weekend I was tackling the office space and I ran out of packing tape.
“NO TAPE!!! WE HAVE NO TAPE!!!”
“There might be some duct tape downstairs,” says David.
Duct tape! Perfect! Duct tape sticks to everything – it’s freaking awesome for its stickiness. I practically skipped down to the basement to grab the tape.
I sang a happy little duct tape song when I climbed back up to the office. I happily packed up many boxes of office supplies. ZIP-BOOM-DONE! I brandished the roll of duct tape like a sharp shooter in a Western Film. I used the fancy-dancy True Block labels so that all boxes could be labelled the same way, in the same corner. It was a beautiful thing.
We’re storing the office boxes in the guest bedroom. I can see them through the pass-through from the office. As I caught up on some writing, I looked across, feeling ever-so-accomplished at my afternoon’s work. So I was actually watching as the duct tape slowly released its hold on the cardboard and the True Block labels fluttered down from the top left corners of their boxes.
Since when did duct tape NOT stick to cardboard? When did that happen? You get duct tape stuck to your freaking arm hair and you’re praying for a bottle of paint thinner to release its seal. You get duct tape stuck to itself and you have to throw it out. But those cardboard boxes staring right at me – with their limp pieces of tape just lying there – all of them – middle-aged men in the midst of erectile dysfunction. What’s with cardboard?? It also repels those True Block labels. My system was ruined. I began to panic as I realized that I’d have to use a Sharpie on raw cardboard. I should have wrapped the entire box with duct tape and stuck the labels to that, instead of attempting to pack like a normal person. If I’d done that I wouldn’t have been sobbing on the floor when David found me.
“Okay love, you’re done.”
“I’m NOT done! Look at them! JUST LOOK AT THEM!!!“
“Come on. We’re going to get you a snack, maybe some juice…”
“I don’t WANT any juice!”
“You may not WANT it, but you NEED it.”
“Disproportionate emotional response?”
“Disproportionate emotional response.”