I laugh with everyone else when they post texts from their Mom peppered with profanity as the auto-correct takes hold of the device. I’m sure that if my Mom were texting me, her messages would be equally hilarious.
Typing too fast in Scrabble chat gives almost the same effect.
Did you ever smell something SO GOOD that its presence within your nasal cavity brought you close to orgasm? Something so delicious, that you clenched with everything inside you and had a full on frisson go down your spine, making you gasp? That’s me, walking past the open door of a bakery. The smell of…
I thought the cold was done. Kaput. Finito. I was misinformed. I woke up this morning and I was – to quote Will Farrell – “a cotton-headed ninny muggins.” I was in freaking La La Land. Eyes, ears, balance? Blurry, plugged, OFF. And I’m not sure, but I might have had a seizure this…
“BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAA!“ Rissa was laughing… maniacally… behind my back. We were waiting for our luggage to be pulled from the storage room so that we could all pile into the van and head back home from our girls’ dance weekend in Toronto. “What are you doing?” “I just totally licked your elbow and you didn’t notice!”…
Rage, all-encompassing RAGE. Because why? Because David left the peanut butter and honey out on the countertop. All-encompassing rage with a side of dockworker swearing. Because why? Because there are crumbs on the countertop. All-encompassing rage and swearing with a side of growling and hiccuping sobs. Because why? Because there are not one, not two,…
I swear I was not being intentionally disrespectful. I just couldn’t take it any more. Earlier in the day: “Hoorah! I have received my shipment of Humpback Posture Correctors!!” (There’s a sentence every woman wants to utter.) It’s been a process folks. After having purchased 6 different styles of posture correctors – each of which…
Me – this morning. It is before breakfast. It is before work. I am on the treadmill – watching Daredevil on Netflix. Moving at 3.5 miles an hour on an incline of three. ‘Cause if I don’t do it before I go to work, it will not happen for the rest of day. And if…