What did you do with YOUR March Break?
“I’m just going to pluck these hairs,” I say grabbing my Mr. Tweezers. “Be there in a sec.”
David gives me a hearty thumbs up.
When I get to the bedroom, David is doing deep lunges. “Good idea,” I say, rolling my shoulders back. I lift both my arms into the air, then pull to stretch out my left wrist followed by my right. I arch my back before going into my own deep lunge.
“Ready?” David asks, waggling his brows.
“Ready!” I say, leaping onto the bed. “Let’s wrestle!”
We devolve into laughter before properly canoodling. But I’m distracted. The room is so quiet. We’ve closed the door. Nary an animal is panting, snoring or wheezing at us from the foot of the bed.
“Mood music?” I suggest. “Perhaps…” My brain’s card catalogue riffles… “Love Over—”
“—Gold?” David finishes.
“This?” I say. “This, right here?” I point back and forth between us. “Is why we work.”
“Because we both can only think of one early 80s album appropriate for—”
“Banging?” I immediately supply.
“I was going to go with making love, but okay.” He finds the album on YouTube and hits play. I succumb to a giggle fit when he cracks his knuckles.
We get down to business, and just as I’m truly ramping up, there is an ad for…
ONLINE CASINOS!!!
“Ach, no!”
“Ignore it! Ignore it!” David pleads.
“Easy for you to say!”
*later*
Still catching my breath, I roll to my side. David has his phone in his hand.
“You’re—”
“Making a Songs to Bang To playlist, yes.”
“Excellent!” I sneak under his arm and plunk my head onto his chest. He’s logged into our online server.
“Yes, definitely we want some Chet Baker.”
“Barry White?”
“Obviously.”
“Harry Connick Jr?”
“Yes, please.”
We keep adding to the list.
“A lot of jazz and R&B,” I notice as he continues to click artists. “What about classical? Wait! How long is Bolero?”
David snorts as he scrolls to our classical artists. “15 minutes.”
“Perfect!”
“Sure, but it starts out so soft, we’d have to adjust the volume so that our ears drums don’t implode for the…” he raises his eyebrows. “Climax.”
“Ba-dum-ching!”
“That ending, though.” He shakes his head
“Yeah,” I say. I let out a slow whistle. “Hard to live up to that. How can you possibly synchronize to all the ‘WAWWWWWWWN WAWN! CRASH! WAWWWWWWWN WAWN!! BA DA BA DA BOOM CRASH!!!‘?”
He snorts, then tilts his head, and gives me a considering glance. “But what if we could synchronize? Just imagine how fulfilling that’d be!!!”
“Too much pressure. Oh, oh, oh! Rhapsody in Blue!”
We google it but soon discover that Gershwin’s controversial opus might be seventeen minutes and change in total but it gets pretty frickin’ punchy at one minute twenty-eight. I don’t think that’d be possible even with electrical reinforcements.
Then, David gasps.
“What?”
“Carmina Burana!”
“Are you nuts? O Fortuna’s only like two and a half minutes!”
He googles it. “The full length piece is almost an hour!”
“An hour?!? An hour of AH HAH HAH HAAAAH-ing?” We’d break our pelvises.
Then, a second later I hear, “Huh.”
“Huh, what?”
“O Fortuna itself IS only two and a half minutes, but it repeats variations three times! You get that theme three times!” He’s very excited.
“We would have to…(I use Sally’s gesture for orgasm from When Harry Met Sally) ‘finish’ three times in seven and a half minutes?”
David’s grin is nigh on feral.
“Are you about to quote Barney Stin—”
“CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!”
