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| It’s not just me, right? |
Other works in this series include:
The counter above the dishwasher is NOT the dishwasher!
and
I have been a redhead for more years now than I haven’t. There have been occasional comments on the colour now and again, but something about this newest shade is driving folks wild. Recently, I was in Toronto for a public speaking engagement. As I was walking to the venue, a very attractive, incredibly well…
I trip. I fall. I run into things. Have done since I was wee. I could make falling up the stairs an Olympic sport. My Mom calling the Doctor’s office, “But it won’t stop bleeding!!” “I’m sorry Ma’am, unless it’s mostly severed, it’ll have to heal by itself.” “But there’s so much blood!” “Ma’am, unless…
I turned 44 today. That’s right the big DOUBLE 4!!!! I have lived, breathed, loved, hurt, gasped, screamed, laughed, fallen, jumped, dived, wallowed, basked and enjoyed life for the last 44 years. Yes, I have wrinkles on my face. You know why? Because I smile and raise my eyebrows and I’m 44 freaking years…
“Just rip it out!! Please,” I begged. “Oh, love, I can’t,” said David. “Yes, yes, you can! Just take a spoon, or your thumb, or a FREAKING NAIL FILE, and pop out my eye. Scramble it if you have to, but get it out!!! Any of those will hurt less than the invisible railroad spike…
It’s not just road rage. Although following a driver who doesn’t know how to merge, signal or meet the speed limit will most definitely set me off. “What the FUCK are you DOING?!? There is a whole lane for you to MERGE INTO!!! You don’t have to SLOW down to 10 kph you brainless WASTE…
I used to be really bendy when I was younger. (Steady folks.) Comes of being a gymnast. I was incredibly flexible. (STEADY…) Which is great when most of what you do in sport is bend in half backwards, run, skip and bounce. Trouble is, all those extra-stretchy ligaments? After years and years of stretching? They…