Taxidermied Gophers
Does anyone else do this kind of stuff with their daughter?
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This does NOT taste like gingerbread!
“Oh God… gag… gag… BLECH… shudder “What? What is it?” David asks from upstairs. “Putting molasses on top of peanut butter toast doesn’t help,” I say. “Anne-Marie was wrong.” I shudder, still gagging, as I begin to scrape the molasses layer off of my peanut butter. gag… gag… Two days ago, when I was complaining…
Does anyone’s carpet match their curtains?
For once I am not talking about my pubic hair, or even referring to yours. (‘Cause let’s face it, the boat carrying that particular shade of carpet sailed decades ago when I discovered Flirt hair colour.) It’s all about lipstick. Please follow my idiomatic extrapolation. I’ve been testing lipstick shades on the back of my…
Poohsticks with Rissa
Poohsticks from A. A. Milnes’ The House at Pooh Corner. Illustration by E.H. Shepherd We played Poohsticks last weekend. We had to be careful, and not cross the bridge willy-nilly on account of the fact that, for a small country road in Lanark County, there’s a lot of traffic. David, Rissa and I gathered…
Porta-Potty Peril
“It must be tough to be a highway construction worker,” says Rissa. “Hmmmm?” I respond. I glance towards the central median of the 401, taking in the construction zone. “Yeah, especially when you’re working there.” “I mean, when do you pooh?” “Pardon?” “They’ve got Porta-Potties, but really, who could ever be comfortable enough to actually…
Bum Pocket, Boob Pocket.
It’s Rissa’s bedtime witching hour, when she winds up instead of down, when she giggles and plays instead of succumbing to slumber. “Psssssssst…. do you see this tiny pocket?? It’s wee!” She has this thing for pockets. Wee pockets in particular. She likes to draw your attention to them – to share her love of…
The Boob Cage
Luman L. Chapman’s design, 1863 When the words left her mouth – it was epiphanic! “Boob Cage.” That’s what Rissa called it. “Boob Cage.” What a revelation! ‘Cause that’s exactly what a bra is. A cage for your boobs. It is the perfect description. It completely brings to mind the sensation at the end of…