Taxidermied Gophers
Does anyone else do this kind of stuff with their daughter?
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I AM NEITHER PREGNANT NOR HAVE I WET MYSELF
When you dress for the day, you think to yourself, I feel so confident in my pseudo retro-look! My posture is something my mother can be proud of! My shoes match my skirt almost exactly!!! And then you see photographic evidence of yourself from that day… Ladies and Germs I give you Heather from a January…
YouTube University
“Do you think there are videos on YouTube on how to do minor surgery?” I ask David. “No,” David says with a note of finality in his voice. “No?” “No, you may not do minor surgery on yourself.” “Don’t be silly. I wouldn’t do minor surgery on myself.” David’s eyebrows rise as high as they…
How long has this been on my face?
It’s a good morning. I manage to wake up without whining about it. David makes me delicious scrambled eggs. I get dressed and throw a little makeup on, you know, just in case the really hot physiotherapist is at the clinic. I even volunteer to move the cars around so that I can make it…
And this isn’t even auto-correct…
I laugh with everyone else when they post texts from their Mom peppered with profanity as the auto-correct takes hold of the device. I’m sure that if my Mom were texting me, her messages would be equally hilarious. Typing too fast in Scrabble chat gives almost the same effect.
I’ve ordered HOW much from Amazon?!?
As a grown-ass woman paying down a mortgage/credit line/supporting a child in university, I’ve managed to curb non-essential spending by online window shopping and pinning the fuck out of colourful things on Pinterest; thereby racking up my virtual endorphins rather than my Visa statement. I have evolved in the past 30 years. I have learned…
I’ve been HIT!!!
BANG! Even on this windy, windy November’s day, the sound ricocheted off buildings. “What the hell was that?” David asked. I looked around wildly. “I don’t know, I don’t know!” My shoulder ached a bit. “Are you okay? Were you hit?” David gave me the once over, checking for blood. “I think maybe… I don’t…