I’m not sure what we do to them, but eventually, all cats in our household run galloping towards madness. We’ve had cats who spontaneously paralyze, suck on carpet and hiss at the doorbell. Since we moved to the new house, Lola – sveltest of our felines – is now attempting to change breeds – she…
“So what did you do in school today?” “We had a work period in English.” “Journal entries for your ISU?” “Yep.” “Oh, and in Geography we got to watch a video.” “What kind of video?” “A video about sewers. It’s called Crap Shoot.” “Seriously?” I burst into laughter. “Madame showed you a video about sewers…
Minuit, the oldest and most crotchety of our cats has a predilection for lap dances. Not the pervy receiving of… it’s not like she’s hanging around at the Brass Rail with $5 bills in her paws, waggling her eyebrows at the dancers. This cat, this 6 year old, overweight feline… she gives a kick-ass, albeit…
We watch as he makes a beeline for the living room. “Bodhi?? Where you going, buddy?” He doesn’t even acknowledge us. He takes his 100 lb bulk and climbs up into the Lazy Boy, squeezing his hairiness between the arms of the chair – legs splayed – head over the side. “Bodhi. Dude. You don’t…
I don’t do it on purpose. It’s just that in my capacity as impulsive animal saviour, I may, on the rare occasion, leave them with PTSD. There you are, a woolly bear caterpillar or a fat earth worm, trying to make your way across the asphalt bike path, when you suddenly find yourself rolled, pushed,…
“Get out of her!” Firm shake. Firm shake. “OUT! YOU. GET. OUT. OF. HER!!!“ My hands around her throat now – Chi-Chi’s eyes bugging out even more. She’s making gagging sounds, but I can still see it’s not her. “GET OUT! OUT! OUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!“ “Heather.” “GET OUT!!!“ “Heather…” “YOU. LEAVE. MY. BABY. RIGHT. NOW!” David’s hand…
Butt. Butt. BUUUUUUTT. She is the smallest of our cats, but she packs a punch when she’s headbutting you first thing in the morning. Her small feline cranium careens into my temple, followed by little cat teeth attempting to groom me. Then this: “Puh! Puh! Puh! Gaaaaaaaag!” as she realizes that shoulder-length human hair is…
“Minuit! Minuit! For the love of…. Scoot!! SCOOT!!“ Minuit lies upon our bedroom floor, a vision of feline pulchritude. She splays every splayable part of her body. Rolling onto her back, she raises an eyebrow. “Menh…?” “Seriously? I just vacuumed. How can you produce this much hair in 2 hours?” “Menh…” “Plus, I just brushed…
“Rissa!!! BEST WALK EVER!!!” “It was?” “YES!! One cat on the way there… Three, no wait! FOUR cats on the way back…” “Two cats there, Mummy. You saw two cats on the way over.” We had walked Rissa over to her friend’s house. “I did?” “Yes, the long-haired dark grey one and a tabby.” “I…
What’s most difficult, is telling them all apart. I’ve had to invest in a high-resolution magnifying glass in order to differentiate. I’m thinking of sewing wee little smocks with their names on them. Alistair, Bernice, Connal, Dee, Ernest… I’m going for asexual in style – I don’t want to limit them. Should they decide in…