“Do you think we can take tasteful pictures of my breasts?” David perks up. “Most certainly.” “For public consumption?” “Pardon?” “You know, for my blog…” “Ummmmm…” His mouth opens and closes. “Don’t get me wrong. I am ALL for your breasts being on display. But… why do you want to have tasteful breast pictures on…
A beautiful child is ahead of me in line at the Big Box store. She is approximately 7 years of age, dark hair, striking blue eyes. Freaking adorable. I find myself inclined to smile simply because of her incandescent beauty. And then I hear her scream/whine this: “I want TWO Kinder eggs!!!” The tone…
The stress of the 2016 Presidential election has my lower intestines in Stevedore Stopper knots. I’m not even American. The outcome of the election won’t really affect me as someone north of the 42nd. I mean, apart from all the anti-Hillary Republicans who are threatening to move to Canada should the Democrats win and the…
In a parallel-dimension I must be Betazoid. Holy fuck – my empathetic core is in hyper-drive tonight. David’s Dad died unexpectedly this past summer. On our 17th wedding anniversary, as we made our way into Manhattan to make some dreams come true, we got a text from his brother telling us that his Dad, John,…
In 1983 I thought David Bowie was Elton John. Modern Love had just hit the airwaves with its pop-happy sound. I glommed onto its vibe as something dancy and fun and cluelessly mistook his voice for the Rocket Man’s. At 15, I wasn’t familiar enough with Bowie’s work to make the distinction. I do know…
They sell food at Winners. Gourmet food. High-end, gluten-free, organic, tri-coloured pasta type food. For a fraction of regular high-end, gluten-free, organic type prices. If I wanted to have a 12 year Balsamic Vinegar at bargain prices, I can get it. Now, on occasion, I will spend 5 times as much for a specialty…
Leafing through Woman’s World while waiting at the vet’s office… Ad after ad after ad for drugs/products that spend the last 1/16th of their page on the small print. WARNING: may cause dizziness, nausea, itchiness, dry mouth, sneezing, anxiety, twitching, muscle aches, depression, seizures, anal leakage, loss of feeling in your left foot, temporary blindness,…
Feeling down? In a funk? Is your life a great honking pile of crap? In your circle of friends/family you must know one child in pre-ballet class. It’s spring. It’s the end of recreational classes. Find a dance recital. I can guarantee that upon viewing a pre-ballet recital, your mood will improve. There will…
WARNING: REAL LIFE IS DISCUSSED In 1979, my mother attended a parent council meeting in Kingston, Nova Scotia. The topic: SEX EDUCATION. (Gasp!) The community was up in arms – what were they going to be teaching our kids?? If you teach kids about sex, all they’ll want to do is try it for themselves!!…
Rissa may look like me, but she gets her perfectionist streak from David. David comes from a long line of perfectionists. On his worst days, David will despair, “I’m not good at anything!!!” David is on crack when he says this. “I’m a Jack of all trades and master of none,” he huffs. “Okay, first…