“He may only touch your boobs if he is doing it with two separate Swiffers held from the length of their poles.” My daughter is now of an age where there’s a real possibility that dudes will be touching her boobs. She has a boyfriend (whom I adore), but he’s still a teenaged boy with…
Last Saturday we were having a house showing. Our house isn’t even on the market, but our former real estate agent will send city folks to see our place every now and again if they want a massive century home that takes 4 hours to clean. Prepping one’s house for a showing has to be…
Fall Back is my favourite time of year EVER. To have forgotten to set your clock back on Saturday night and then have the unexpected epiphany Sunday morning that you can sleep in the extra hour? And then there’s the following Monday! That day where your body wakes up feeling refreshed, recharged and ready to…
Allow me to wax hyberbolic for a moment. I love being Canadian. It is the absolute best country in the galaxy! I LOVE it. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!! I love living in Canada. The people, the wildlife, the breadth and scope of our land, the change in seasons… I am proud to be a Canadian…
Lola is a cat burglar. I mean literally. Our smallest black cat… burgles. She has a penchant for jewelry. She must be part magpie. Which is a cute little quirk generally, except that a while back she stole one of my most adored pieces of jewelery – a pendant from my friend Shannon. I’m pretty…
Step 1: Rent a 70 foot long inflatable obstacle race with 10 foot slide exit. Step 2: Let children know they can use it. Step 3: Turn your back for the briefest of moments. Beautiful bucolic fall day. Sun shining, birds singing, crisp air. As the inflatable sought form on the pavement, rosy-cheeked, tow-headed tots…
The first week back to school was surprisingly easy. Disproportionate levels of ease. It was smoooooooth, it was cream cheese icing, it was James Brown. This second week back to school is kicking our asses. We are so frickin’ tired. It feels like we have a new baby or puppy in the house. We are…
Courting trouble When I was younger, I did things… I courted trouble. I was the brash girl with the great rack who wasn’t afraid to use words or breasts to my advantage. Back in the day, I faked my Driver’s License with green liquid paper, a fine-tipped pen and a steady hand. I shop-lifted bad…
For all you parents dropping off your children (of all ages) at school this week… an excerpt from More Work Than a Puppy (or what your mother never told you about procreation). I was told by the mother of a university-aged daughter that I’d missed an important demographic. I added this particular monologue in 2005 with a…
WARNING: Adult language in this post I know, I know… That’s not what what’s-her-face says in Love Story. Ali MacGraw. The correct quotation is “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Which I think is a shitty quotation. What kind of douche are you if you don’t apologize for the shit you do? The…