My friend is a bombshell. When I’m with her, it’s like hanging out with Marilyn Monroe. A shorter, more shapely Marilyn Monroe. She is the flame to every male moth within her orbit. Has been ever since high school. Most definitely she is gorgeous, that’s part of it, but she has something MORE. Something…
I am now the mother of a teenaged daughter. How the hell did that happen? One day she was 3 and now she’s 13. Rissa is now 13. Except she looks like she’s 17. She draws the male eye. And not just the eye of her peers, but the eye of dudes who are a…
I’m okay in the brains dept. I have my 128 IQ. Or at least that’s what every free online IQ test tells me. So I’m smart, but not Mensa smart. David is Mensa smart – plus some. He’s around 162. But he can’t find the ketchup in the fridge, so draw your own conclusions. Rissa’s…
This is the soundtrack to this post: Driving back from a 13th birthday party. Rissa and two friends in the backseat near-to-collapsing from an afternoon in the blinding sun – hair still wet from the home made Slip-n-Slide. “Daddy! Daddy can you please put it on ‘aux’?” David changes the stero input. We close…
I used to go to Saturday matinees at the CFB Winnipeg movie theatre. Between the ages of 5 and 8, I’d get dropped off with a girlfriend (probably Kristen), we’d enjoy our 2 hours with snacks and then late in the afternoon we’d emerge bleary-eyed into the sunlight seeking out our parents’ waiting arms. When…
Ahhhh…. dandelions – those delightful, yellow harbingers of spring. I know they’re weeds, I know that their root structure rivals that of a willow tree, but damn they’re pretty! A hillside of them, from a distance, makes me happy. I love taking up one of the flowers when it’s gone to seed and blowing it…
“Daddy, why do you have those weird bald patches on your legs??” asks Rissa one morning. “I’m not sure,” says David, standing in his basketball-length exercise shorts. He peers down at his hairy limbs. “These ones here…” he points to his calves and shins, “are probably from socks rubbing…” He points to his ankles –…
WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE in this post. As I checked my email Sunday morning, this note, in Rissa’s handwriting, was to the left of the keyboard: AWESOME LEVIATHAN FACTS! 306 feet high, 80 degree drop, 148 km/h, 32 passengers p/car That was the first time on Sunday that I thought I might woof my cookies. The…
These little piggies need to go to a podiatrist… Ladies and Gentlemen I give you… HAMMER TOE GIRL!!! Or possibly MALLET TOE GIRL! or CLAW TOE GIRL! 44 years old and I just realized that I have mutant feet. I thought I was dealing with some minor foot pain, brought on by corns. Turns…
I said to David, as I watched him in the bathroom this morning. He was in his boxer shorts, shaving in the other mirror, and it struck me how loose they were and that they wouldn’t give a guy ANY support for his manly bits. That’s why I asked. He looked at me, confused for…