“Just so you know, if they tell me I have to amputate the arm to save my life, I’m not going to fight them.” David doesn’t even pause. “Damned straight, you’re not. That sucker’s coming off!” “For the first little while, until I have a proper prosthetic, I’ll have arm proxies. Like when I…
When I was younger, I worshipped at the altar of white flour. My Mom would get these crusty Kaiser rolls – the ones you could select with the fancy tongs in the bakery dept. I would devour them – butter slathered all over their fluffy insides. No protein anywhere to be found. Just bread and…
Thunderstorms in the morning. I’m dressed like a Popsicle: lime green umbrella, bright pink rain coat, yellow rubber boots. Rain coming at me sideways as I walk to work. I’m wet from mid-thigh to the top of my boots. It takes me all day to get dry. It’s bank day. A couple of cheques to…
Yesterday, we began renovations on our new home. Today, my neck, back and achilles tendons no longer work. Eight years ago, when we started the same process on our present home, I don’t remember feeling like this. I remember holding the mini-jack hammer and cackling with joy as I exposed the brick in our kitchen….
If I were a horse, I’d have been taken out back and shot. Or at least, that’s what my parents always threatened to do when I was younger. The limping started about a week and a half ago. I blame ‘Art.’ See, I’m in a show. I needed to get used to my costume before…
So this is how it goes is it? I now injure myself sitting. I came home the other night, and I ached, oh how I ached. I could barely walk. My hips, my knees, even my ankles refused give me support. Apparently they were going out dancing, maybe speed skating or snowboarding while I was…….
Last winter, to ward off cold air chest pain, David purchased me my very own Cold Avenger / Darth Vader mask. Well, it’s winter once again, and though Ontario’s November was pretty damned temperate, December has been colder than a witch’s tit the last little while. Not generally a problem for most stalwart Canadians,…
I should have known better than to post that I had an abundance of energy. Those petty cold gods sure do love their schadenfreude. Tuesday morning I awoke… no, strike that. Who am I kidding? I never really woke up during the day. Went back to bed for a couple of hours to see if…
For the second time in my life I am catastrophically clumsy. I didn’t get the memo. The one where it tells you that when you hit peri-menopause you enter your second adolescence. I trip,slip, bump into things, drop dishes, stub my toes and fall up the stairs. Not down, but up. My dork factor is…
If you knew nothing about me other than the combination of pills I take in the morning, how old would you think I am? 70? 80? To be fair, most of them are pretty innocuous. Most of the pills are to up my immune-system so that the colds and flu that I used to suffer…