You’ll let me know when I’m elderly, right?
“Do you, or do you not, implement fall prevention measures?”
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Full of Moist
The sweat is… everywhere…
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Watch out for the permanent intergalactic concrete.
Did you know that to get new countertops you have to purchase entirely new base cabinets upon which you can place said countertops? It doesn’t seem logical to me. I mean, when you’ve got cabinets… …FUNCTIONING… underneath the countertops, surely I can remove the existing countertops, attach the new ones, et voilà! BRAND NEW KITCHEN!!! Now perhaps…
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And then we were carjacked…
Driving towards Rissa’s university residence, we blithely follow the directions offered by the nice young people in their bright orange safety vests. “Just drive around there folks, and they’ll help you out.” I’m a bit confused – we are still relatively distant from her Residence. But we do it, we drive through the parking lot…
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Careful what you say over pancakes.
David, Rissa and I are enjoying our weekly Sunday pancake breakfast. “These are great!” says Rissa. “The texture is magnificent!” We’ve been trying to perfect gluten-free pancakes for the past several years. It’s been hit or miss. “Yeah,” says David, chewing on his maple syrup-soaked pancake. “These are the ones. We’ve done it! Which is…
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YouTube University
“Do you think there are videos on YouTube on how to do minor surgery?” I ask David. “No,” David says with a note of finality in his voice. “No?” “No, you may not do minor surgery on yourself.” “Don’t be silly. I wouldn’t do minor surgery on myself.” David’s eyebrows rise as high as they…
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And that’s why you need to know your prices…
If I’m walking funny today, it’s because I’ve been well and truly fucked. $13.38 folks. I spent $13.38 on 1.365 kg of gluten free flour.* I thought I was doing the right thing, I really did. I thought that buying all purpose, gluten free flour at the Bulk Barn had to be cheaper than getting…
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DO NOT DIS COHEN
Rissa and I love IZombie. We love when Liv cooks the brains each episode. We love when Major’s personality transforms after eating mind candy. We love the theme song, the bad puns, the comic panels. And then Blaine says, “I was singing Hallelujah… the Jeff Buckley tune…” Which is when I lose my shit. “COHEN!! …
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I’d like to thank the Academy…
“We’re really doing this?” asks David. “I’m willing to try anything,” I respond. “All right, lie down.” He pulls the sheet over me before hefting up a weighted blanket. Filled with 8 lbs of plastic beads, the blanket is deliciously cool against my body despite its weight. I am forgoing a sleeping pill so that…
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Who let the lava queen in?
“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.” “Hmmm? What?” yawns David, before falling back asleep almost instantaneously. It’s 1:30 a.m. Moments ago I was curled next to David, really loving being the Big Spoon. Now I am temperature of the sun. The Lava Queen by Wasudo (Deviant Art) Covers off. I’m sweating from every pore in my torso… neck… scalp. Ugh. …
