If you have to paint 20 kitchen cupboard doors with space to dry only 8 flat at a time, and each door needs to be primed with super-adherent primer that must have 2-4 hours drying time before covering the cupboards (back and front) with at least two coats of furniture paint, and if the furniture…
I will be unstable for the next 7.5 weeks. I give you all fair warning. Do NOT tease me. Not now. In fact, do not tease me for the next 7.5 weeks. Treat the next 7.5 weeks as if I am hormonally unbalanced. I am very fragile. It ain’t hormones – it’s house. We…
Now I doubt my intelligence and smell like cat shit. Yes it’s kitty litter day. And every single time I forget that I should be doing this job in a HAZMAT suit so that I don’t reek of cat. I should have kitty litter clothes. I have painting clothes – the ones that I wear…
Period. Last week. Mon – Friday. Growling, irritable, drugged up, clutching the heated blanket. Then the weekend arrived, and I felt GREAT! Fantastic even. Randy. Giving David those looks – waggling of the eyebrows – half-smiles and suggestive telepathy. Couldn’t get enough of him. We’d finish one bout of naked wrestling before, barely giving him…
I fell off the wagon last week – again. I answered the siren call of caffeine and gluten. We’ve got one of those single serve Keurig coffee machines at the office and I’m always jealous because there are all these snazzy, olfactorily orgasmic caffeinated flavours, wafting their way through the office air. Flavours that people…
Apparently The Nightmare Before Christmas is much to old to garner immediate recognition. Oh God, I just Googled it – 19-freaking-93!!! That is 20 years ago! HOLY CRAP! No wonder I wasn’t recognized. Plus, I was missing some stitched-back-together scars when I went to work in the morning. It was a dark…
Netflix has made me healthier. Well, Netflix and the tablet whereby I can view Netflix, has made me healthier. I take my collapsible treadmill out of the closet in our study, pop on a TV show, hit the START button and go. Minimum 30 minutes a day of guaranteed walking and that’s on top of…
For the second time in my life I am catastrophically clumsy. I didn’t get the memo. The one where it tells you that when you hit peri-menopause you enter your second adolescence. I trip,slip, bump into things, drop dishes, stub my toes and fall up the stairs. Not down, but up. My dork factor is…
Cause it gives me hot flashes. And now, apparently… Night Terrors. Not just regular nightmares, but crazy-ass, finding out that Nate Berkus, in addition to being an interior designer, is the leader of a boy band who has people eviscerated when you discover that they are 100% auto-tuned, full-on NIGHT FREAKING TERRORS. I had two…
I’m screwed. My new crush is totally inappropriate on at least 2 levels (there might be more). He’s an 18 year old boy. *face palm* (But really, if you think about it – this isn’t as bad as when I had a crush on Taylor Hanson when he was 16, because at least this kid…