Says David. “But it’s so good. It’s a great bit.” “I am not a great bit,” he says determinedly. I raise my eyebrows at him. “I am serious. I don’t feel comfortable with you leading a post with that.” I pout. “You’re taking away my comedy.” “No, I’m taking away MY comedy. I don’t want…
I’ve got the PF. Plantar Facsiitis. I can no longer run. I mean, sure I could run if something was chasing me – or if a building was on fire – but I’d pay for it later. I’d get up the next day, attempt to stand on both feet and then collapse to the floor…
“It must be tough to be a highway construction worker,” says Rissa. “Hmmmm?” I respond. I glance towards the central median of the 401, taking in the construction zone. “Yeah, especially when you’re working there.” “I mean, when do you pooh?” “Pardon?” “They’ve got Porta-Potties, but really, who could ever be comfortable enough to actually…
In the mid-80s the bus dropped me off on Ness Avenue and I walked two major blocks south to get to high school. I walked down the alley behind Ainsley Street – this was Winnipeg – we had alleys everywhere. I had two goals every morning: get to school early and walk faster than Francine…
… asks Rissa as I pop open my e-reader. “I’m asking, ’cause you mostly have dirty books on there, right?” “Yes, there are mostly dirty books on this e-reader. But this one hasn’t gotten dirty yet.” I’m not a fan of Dickens when I’m winding down with a book. Some good character development, some sex,…
Rissa was going to be gone for three whole nights. David and I begin sharing the the waggling eyebrow looks, the suggestive head tilts, the… “YOU GUYS! I CAN TOTALLY SEE YOU DOING THAT!!!!“ “What? Doing what?!?” Rissa rolls her eyes. But then gives us the I’m watching you look. Surreptitiously now, I am trying…
It took 15 years, but I have finally done it! I have replenished the shoe cache that I had before Rissa was born. Pre-Rissa I had a… I’m not going to call it a shoe fetish, ’cause it wasn’t like I was humping them or anything… instead I’ll call it a shoe… fascination. I had…
Heat and hormones don’t mix. I get mean in the heat. You know when you can hear yourself losing it? When vitriolic tones spill from your lips and you don’t even want to be around you? That’s me in the dog days of summer. The rest of the year I do my best to be…
Sitting naked on the side of the bathtub. Legs out over the edge. Wet hair dripping into the tub. Humming “Smoke on the Water” to myself. David stops on his way to the bedroom. “Are you okay?” “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” His eyebrows low on his forehead. “Why are you sitting there like that?” “I’m…
They sell food at Winners. Gourmet food. High-end, gluten-free, organic, tri-coloured pasta type food. For a fraction of regular high-end, gluten-free, organic type prices. If I wanted to have a 12 year Balsamic Vinegar at bargain prices, I can get it. Now, on occasion, I will spend 5 times as much for a specialty…