I trip. I fall. I run into things. Have done since I was wee. I could make falling up the stairs an Olympic sport. My Mom calling the Doctor’s office, “But it won’t stop bleeding!!” “I’m sorry Ma’am, unless it’s mostly severed, it’ll have to heal by itself.” “But there’s so much blood!” “Ma’am, unless…
WARNING: This post is about… ahem… grown up toys The Hitachi Magic Wand (insert angels’ chorus) Several years ago, David got me a present. The cadillac of ‘personal massagers.’ Variations on this design have been used in adult entertainment since the 70s. If you’ve seen an adult film, you’ve seen this toy in use. …
Edith Vonnegut’s Sunblock I can burn after 2.5 minutes of sun exposure. This is not hyperbole. The sun in 2013 is different than when I was a kid. Sure I used to burn if I went completely without sunblock, but it wasn’t in 2.5 minutes, I can tell you that. I lived in California for…
I have friends who don’t share with their kids. They don’t want their kids to know that they used to smoke up outside the back entrance of their high school around the dumpsters. They don’t talk about pregnancy scares. They omit the drinking an entire mickey of tequila before heading to a dance and then…
One of my absolute favourite things in the entire world is movie theatre popcorn. With extra butter salt. It’s pretty much like crack to me. Our local theatre has a shaker of butter salt that they leave out for the patrons. I shake it on and delight in my sodium intake. Having popcorn at the…
I’m not a ‘half-measures’ kind of gal. If I’m doing something, it’s usually at full tilt. I’m very ‘event oriented.’ I go on a blitz right up until an event starts. One year for Rissa’s birthday party, my Mom couldn’t believe that I was sewing slipcovers for the our patio cushions 5 minutes before arrival…
This morning I awoke to the mother of all migraines. She looked like this: Meg Mucklebones from Ridley Scott’s Legend The 1 inch of sunlight from beneath the blind – that tiny amount of light – was akin to having good ol’ Meg use her lovely fingernails to gouge out my baby blues. I popped…
This is a sarcastic dance. You know what I’m talking about ladies. It’s awesome, right? You’re sitting at the computer before bed, trying to get some work done or at least check in on the state of the universe. You’re in some sort of nightie/chemise/tank top – sans bra – because wearing a bra in…
It appears that I can no longer sleep on my side. Because when I do? My face develops sleep craters. I get up, well-rested, thinking all is well with the universe, until I look in the mirror. My face, which had enjoyed the delicate sqwoosh of the pillow beneath my cheek, now has a…
I was making my case to go see what looks like the BEST summer movie EVER – Pacific Rim. Rissa needed to do her due diligence. “Who’s in it?” “Who’s in it? Who are you? Roger Ebert?” “Who’s Roger Ebert?” *face palm* “I don’t know,” says David. “It looks pretty cheesy.” “Come on guys –…