I used to be really bendy when I was younger. (Steady folks.) Comes of being a gymnast. I was incredibly flexible. (STEADY…) Which is great when most of what you do in sport is bend in half backwards, run, skip and bounce. Trouble is, all those extra-stretchy ligaments? After years and years of stretching? They…
David and I are doing laundry at my parents’ place. It’s such a lovely day that we decide that we’re going to hang the clothes on the line to dry. After about 5 mintues, from within the house, I hear shrieks from my female relatives. My mother, Granny, Gran and Aunt Bea are all in…
WARNING: This post is about… ahem… grown up toys The Hitachi Magic Wand (insert angels’ chorus) Several years ago, David got me a present. The cadillac of ‘personal massagers.’ Variations on this design have been used in adult entertainment since the 70s. If you’ve seen an adult film, you’ve seen this toy in use. …
If I’m going to get screwed, I’d like to be in on it. I’m not generally a passive participant. I don’t just lie back and think of the Queen. If I’m getting well and truly screwed I want to enjoy it. I want to scream operatically with release when it gets really good. Naked in…
I have friends who don’t share with their kids. They don’t want their kids to know that they used to smoke up outside the back entrance of their high school around the dumpsters. They don’t talk about pregnancy scares. They omit the drinking an entire mickey of tequila before heading to a dance and then…
WARNING: Adult language in this post I know, I know… That’s not what what’s-her-face says in Love Story. Ali MacGraw. The correct quotation is “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Which I think is a shitty quotation. What kind of douche are you if you don’t apologize for the shit you do? The…
WARNING: This post is about porn. Please don’t call CAS, but I wish I could show my daughter porn. I’m NOT GOING TO because I know that people would totally freak out about it, but I wish that I could. And before you start getting on your “You’re going to hell” and “You should be…
This is the soundtrack to this post: Driving back from a 13th birthday party. Rissa and two friends in the backseat near-to-collapsing from an afternoon in the blinding sun – hair still wet from the home made Slip-n-Slide. “Daddy! Daddy can you please put it on ‘aux’?” David changes the stero input. We close…
We recently went to a wedding. At this wedding there were many young, beautiful couples – years, perhaps dozens of years, younger than us. We were seated with one of these couples. They were hip and happening and ‘NOW.’ But they sure as shit didn’t know how to kiss. I watched this beautifully coiffed and…
It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. I was driving into Toronto to see a friend’s show. I had Q107.1 on (the home of classic rock) – it was Psychedelic Sunday and a Beatles A-Z weekend. The tunes were stellar. I made sure I checked the highway update signs all the way along my route. …