So remember the Darth Vader mask that David got me – to help with my winter angina? We have gone for several walks where I put the sucker on – much to David’s amusement and the perplexity of onlookers. “They are all staring at me!!” “That’s because they want your autograph.” “Because why?” “Because they…
Yep… ‘for the hair down there’ WARNING: This post contains too much information Today, I found it. A grey hair. In the bush. Does the phrase “all downhill from here” strike any chords? I mean, sure, I’ve had grey hair on my head for 5 years or so, but my haphazard dye job every 6…
From Knitting Ole Bag on Etsy I would like to enter into a pact with all my female friends. A facial hair pact. This is my vow to you: If you suddenly sprout a thick moustache, I will tell you. If you have a neck full of hairs that are visible-only-in-natural-light, I will tell you. …
Is it hot in here? I have solved the impending energy crisis! It’s so simple. We hook up all the women in the world who are having hot flashes… into a power grid. Women ‘of a certain age’ giving off their heat – the combined estrus would produce more energy than the SUN. As long…
Or… I’m being possessed by the spirits of homophones past. Instead of the word ‘do’ I type ‘due.’ Instead of ‘red’ I type ‘read.’ I actually typed ‘aisle’ instead of ‘I’ll’ this morning. So? Any thoughts? Any closet neurologists out there? ‘Cause right now? I think I might be in a cross between Memento,…
I know that I know this… Give me a sec… Starts with a B maybe??? So lately, at least a 1/2 dozen times a day, I lose my nouns. Yesterday I couldn’t remember the word BANJO. I could see the thing in my mind, knew it was roundish on one end, that you play it…
I hear these words coming out of my mouth: “Oh it’s just the microvascular angina, hypothyroidism and the reynaud’s syndrome….” I think: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!! You are not an 83 year old woman, just say you’re ‘fine’! When someone asks you how you are, JUST SAY FINE!!! Nobody wants to hear it. …
…where there aren’t any. We were driving past a farm on the weekend and I was convinced there were zebras grazing. With delighted glee, I thought to myself, “Hey look! ZEBRAS!” I was just about to point them out to David, but as we drove by, I realized that in actuality they were horses wearing…
David arrives home, a little later than usual. “I have things for you,” he says, before running back out to the car. “Oh really?” He comes back, hefting a full bag of firewood and making He-Man- look-how-strong-I-am noises. “Firewood?” “In case you’re cold.” He says as he runs out once more. (Yesterday, I’d had a…
There is a rule in our house that applies only to me. I am not allowed out unsupervised between the hours of 3 and 5 p.m. Basically from after school until dinner time. If I leave the house alone during those hours, odds are I might not come home. For whatever reason, my hypoglycemia kicks…