My Mom? She used to make 8 grilled cheese sandwiches at the same time by putting them under the broiler. The oven door would remain open, just a few inches, so that the sandwiches could be monitored – ensuring even browning. My Granny used to do the same thing for breakfast, with open-faced hamburgers buns. …
“I love you,” says David as we snuggle in under the covers. “And I love you,” I return. I contentedly sigh. “Life is good.” “Life IS good.” “Yep.” Smooch. Smooch. You know how sometimes your brain goes off on these weird tangents? One minute, I’m kissing my husband and the next I’m doing math. Rissa…
“Minuit! Minuit! For the love of…. Scoot!! SCOOT!!“ Minuit lies upon our bedroom floor, a vision of feline pulchritude. She splays every splayable part of her body. Rolling onto her back, she raises an eyebrow. “Menh…?” “Seriously? I just vacuumed. How can you produce this much hair in 2 hours?” “Menh…” “Plus, I just brushed…
“Two piece or one piece?” “Are you going to need to pee at any time during the day?” asks Rissa. The thought of having to visit a public washroom while attempting to drag down a wet, clingy (to the point of achieving adhesion to my body), one-piece swimsuit, makes me shudder. “Point taken. Two piece…
“Are they going to fit in?” “I’m trying to make them,” says Rissa. “I swear to you that these breasts were not this large in June.” “I think you might be right.” “What is going on?!?” “I don’t know, Mummy.” Rissa huffs, as she places her knee in my back to gain leverage. “You can’t…
Stompy. I was SOOOOOO stompy. Throwing blankets and sheets down to be washed. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. David and Rissa exchanging “What the hell is happening?” looks below in the kitchen. The panic had beset me while still in bed. I’d looked up at the ceiling with the skim coat of drywall compound taunting me –…
My body is such an over-achiever. It’s racing full-on towards decrepitude decades before the norm. The good news? I’m like those Sentinels from X-Men: Days of Future Past – I am able to adapt with every challenge. My Achilles Tendons ache when I wear 4 inch heels? Not a problem! 3 inch heels it is! …
You ever shop for bed skirts? I was killing time at a Bed, Bath & Beyond a bit back, thinking “Hey! We need some new bed skirts – I’ll just have a looksee in their linens dept.” They started at $45 and went up from there. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it’s the bed…
Is one of the by-products of peri-menopause bigger boobs? Because I’m pretty sure that my boobs are growing. Swear to God. I feel like I have pregnant boobs. I’m ALL boobs. I look in the mirror and they’re just… there… I mean really, there. Like KAPOW there!! I walk into the room and they…
WARNING: THERE IS DISCUSSION OF FEMALE ISSUES IN THIS POST. Sam Brown, explodingdog.com My camel did not make it. It had been days since he’d died. I found myself trudging through the desert, my skin burning, sand in my throat… Hot wind blowing around me, almost through me. I could feel sand on my…