My adolescence was so much fun the first time around, I thought I’d give it another go. That’s me trying to pretend like I have any say in what’s happening now. It’s not so much a choice, as an involuntary action. I’ve had a week folks. Oh, have I had a week. A week that’s…
WARNING: THERE IS TOO MUCH INFORMATION IN THIS POST On account of the fact that when it’s this lackadaisical, only when we we’re not exhausted, happen to be on the same bio-rhythms kind of encounter, my body feels like this the next the day. And we weren’t trying anything new here. We were doing our…
You know those days? The days when you think you look a certain way, but then, when you catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror, you realize that you are overly optimistic? Yesterday morning was one of those days. Yesterday morning the armpit pudge was particularly pulchritudinous. The bastards. I was dressed, ready to…
WARNING: There is an abundance of female information in this post There I sit in Canadian Tire, my ass on the lowest rack in the Home Decor Aisle. Fists in the air… “THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!!!” “Ma’am?” For a moment, I morph into a Mesopotamian Demon. Laser beams from my eyes – poor kid…
Period. Last week. Mon – Friday. Growling, irritable, drugged up, clutching the heated blanket. Then the weekend arrived, and I felt GREAT! Fantastic even. Randy. Giving David those looks – waggling of the eyebrows – half-smiles and suggestive telepathy. Couldn’t get enough of him. We’d finish one bout of naked wrestling before, barely giving him…
I fell off the wagon last week – again. I answered the siren call of caffeine and gluten. We’ve got one of those single serve Keurig coffee machines at the office and I’m always jealous because there are all these snazzy, olfactorily orgasmic caffeinated flavours, wafting their way through the office air. Flavours that people…
WARNING: THIS POST IS ABOUT SEX WITH YOUNG MEN There are sooooooo many things to enjoy about peri-menopause – it’s hard to pick a favourite. But pretty high on that list would be how my peri-menopausal ovaries take over my higher brain functions when in the presence of young men. My lady bits are apparently…
There are the foods you should be eating… You know, iron-fortified foods, brown rice, lentils, dairy products, fish… all supposed to help with PMS and all, frankly, bullshit. We don’t want them, we don’t eat them. We find our own ways to get through the inconvenience of bleeding from our vaginas. My Top Ten Period…
Cause it gives me hot flashes. And now, apparently… Night Terrors. Not just regular nightmares, but crazy-ass, finding out that Nate Berkus, in addition to being an interior designer, is the leader of a boy band who has people eviscerated when you discover that they are 100% auto-tuned, full-on NIGHT FREAKING TERRORS. I had two…
This is the soundtrack for this post. I have always been fish belly white. Some smatterings of freckles on my face in the summer, but traditionally, my pale skin could be used as a signal point in the dark. Like you could line a bunch of me up on a runway and we’d be great…