WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE IN THIS POST Pssssst…. over here! You won’t have to starve yourself! You won’t have to exercise!!! Watch how these other women lost 20, 40, even as much as 75% of their total body weight! Take a couple of tsp of apple cider vinegar before every meal! Spoonfuls of honey speed the…
Smiling… laughing – that’s okay, but if you catch me on film/pixels while I’m talking, I look like I’m either in the midst of an epileptic fit, morphing into a velociraptor or channelling Lucille Ball in one of the episodes where she has to deal with stomping grapes or packaging chocolates. Below is a pic…
I’m spending so much time stoned now. Not REALLY stoned. Just migraine medication stoned. And menstrual medication. And arthritis medication. I slept for 4 extra hours one morning after taking the most innocent-looking of pills. It was a wee trapezoid shape – so wee and pretty. It knocked me out. It was the best nap…
So this week I went to the One Of A Kind Craft Show in Toronto with my friend Meg, a OOAK Toronto Virgin. This show is SO huge that when you’re trying to navigate your way through, you need to give directions like this: “Okay, go west until you hit the Wawa goose and then…
I should just un-subscribe. That’d be the sane thing to do. From Old Navy and Ikea. From the Gap and Sears. From Style at Home and Banana Republic. UNSUBSCRIBE HEATHER!!! I don’t have money to buy any crap from any of the retailers who send me their online flyers. I have financial blinders on. We…
So this appeared in my news feed recently… Movember moustaches may hold hazards Seriously? This is a news story? What is the CBC doing? And show of hands, how many men out there don’t wash? And by that I mean EVER. How many don’t wash their faces EVER? How many don’t take the time to…
Flyers… oh, sweet, non-denominational deity, the holiday flyers that have begun arriving at our house. GIANT EXPERTS’ SALE! HOLIDAY BLOWOUTS! BREED YOUR OWN REINDEER! I want, nay verily, I NEED, a Self-Shaping Pre-Lit 8′ Fir Tree for a mere $399.00! No wait! There is a 7′ Pre-Lit Flocked Blue Spruce which has FAKE SNOW on…
This weekend is the weekend things are supposed to get done. Caulking (snerk – yes, I have the mind of a 12 year-old boy) of windows and such. Maybe even a hedge trimming (snerk). Round 1 of leaf raking was Thursday. My inner thighs and quads are still complaining about that. I guess I don’t…
It’s like every time I have ever reminded her has NEVER happened. Because there it was. In the sink. The empty apple juice bottle, from which Rissa had poured her morning juice, sitting there, IN THE FREAKING SINK!!!! “RISSA!!!!” I grab the bottle and hold it aloft – an impromptu weapon. “Yes Mummy?” She comes…
“I have a plan!” he says. “I know what we can use!” “For what?” “Your outside angina.” “Excuse me?” I gave him the “I couldn’t have possibly heard that correctly” look. He rolls his eyes at me. “AN–gina. I said Angina.” “Okay, that makes WAY more sense to me. I was a bit confused…