“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.” “Hmmm? What?” yawns David, before falling back asleep almost instantaneously. It’s 1:30 a.m. Moments ago I was curled next to David, really loving being the Big Spoon. Now I am temperature of the sun. The Lava Queen by Wasudo (Deviant Art) Covers off. I’m sweating from every pore in my torso… neck… scalp. Ugh. …
I hold two white pull-on sports bras in my hands. I hadn’t thought I had two exactly the same. I lay them side by side on the bed, trying to find the well-washed sizing labels. AHA! Maybe if I put one on top of the other! Yes! The one on top is definitely smaller. I…
For once I am not talking about my pubic hair, or even referring to yours. (‘Cause let’s face it, the boat carrying that particular shade of carpet sailed decades ago when I discovered Flirt hair colour.) It’s all about lipstick. Please follow my idiomatic extrapolation. I’ve been testing lipstick shades on the back of my…
“Do you see this?” I ask. “What?” David is towelling his hair. “This.” I turn the left side of my face to him. “This.” He comes closer. Looks. Then looks again. “I don’t see anything.” “This.” I use my finger to show him what I’m talking about. “I don’t see anything.” “I’m growing a beard.”…
Warning: descriptive female issues in this post. “OH FOR THE LOVE OF…” “What is it?” “Day Eight apparently.” “Are we in the playoffs?” My baleful eyes could burn through steel. “I am BLEEDING out. I was done. The Diva Cup was empty.” David winces in naive male sympathy/horrified visualization. “And now the cup runneth over?”…
Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Oh, for the love of… Meow. Meow. MEOW… MEOW…MEOW…MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOWWWW! I look over at the clock. 7:17. I close my eyes, do a double take. What the? CRAP!! I stagger out of bed, open the bedroom door and face Minuit – the most irritated cat in the galaxy. She squints at me…
The stress of the 2016 Presidential election has my lower intestines in Stevedore Stopper knots. I’m not even American. The outcome of the election won’t really affect me as someone north of the 42nd. I mean, apart from all the anti-Hillary Republicans who are threatening to move to Canada should the Democrats win and the…
Me – this morning. It is before breakfast. It is before work. I am on the treadmill – watching Daredevil on Netflix. Moving at 3.5 miles an hour on an incline of three. ‘Cause if I don’t do it before I go to work, it will not happen for the rest of day. And if…
“So if they’re asking do I have experience working with animals, does that mean REAL experience? I mean, I have three cats,” says Rissa. “Yes, you do have three cats,” I reply. “And don’t discount the dogs that we’ve had.” “But do they mean experience like squeezing a gopher’s anal glands?” “What!?!” “Or like, I’ve…
“OH MY GOD!” Rissa exclaims. “What?” I ask, glancing up from my e-reader. “This,” she says, indicating her book. “THIS. STUPID. BOOK.” “What are you reading?” “Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness. ARGH!” The book has fallen from her hands and banged her on the head. “Dude. Careful.” “It’s not me! IT’S. THIS. STINKING. BOOK.” She…