Ill-timed Aphasia
WARNING: BIG time bad words in this post.
I’m not sure whether this is a migraine-induced bout of aphasia or if I can now add Tourette’s Syndrome to my list of disabilities…
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I’m sweating WHERE now?
I’m at the kitchen table playing word games on my laptop. I have my Google timer set for 6.5 minutes of cool down. Cool down time is vital to surviving a HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) workout. Otherwise, you’re still sweating IN the shower. And you continue to sweat AFTER you’ve finished the shower. Freshly…
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Surreptitious OCD
David, Rissa and I are in a charming French restaurant in Baldwin Village. Red walls. Black baseboards. Brilliant yellow door. Art everywhere. We choose to sit inside. You know, because of the art. Instead of facing the wall displaying the larger artwork, my vista will be the opposite wall; the unexpected opportunity to gaze upon…
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I am patenting this RIGHT now…
WARNING: SO MUCH FEMALE STUFF In the summer of 1997, David held my hand as I sat at the triage desk of the local hospital. He looked concerned. I looked like I was going to pass out. The nurse looked wiser than Nicodemus from the Secret of NIMH. “Are you a new couple?” she asked,…
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It appears I’ve been catfished…
“You’ve what?” asks Rissa, slightly laggy on her end of the video call. “Who have you been talking to? What did you do?” “Nothing,” I say. “I think it’s just my age.” “It’s what? What do you mean it’s your age?” “I think you just get to a certain age and…” “You think there are…
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Pardon me while I SHE-HULK out
This week (and it’s only Monday – it’s only MONDAY?!?), I find myself wondering what caused She-Hulk’s transformation from regular woman-about-town, to big green rage monster. ‘Cause I’ve had three instances today where I found myself fighting to maintain my equilibrium between rationality and absolutely losing my shit. This morning, I’m moving from the bathroom…
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3:30 a.m. Pounce Parade
“Prrrrrrowl?” “Prrrrrrrowwl??” “Prrrrrrrrrowwwl??” My eyes open. “Prrrrrrowl?” Why am I even surprised? Lola had been staring at the bottom of the refrigerator when we went to bed. “Prrrrrrrrrrrowl?” That’s the sound of a cat with its mouth full of mouse. “PAH!” Bat. Bat-Bat. Bat-Bat-Bat-Bat. And that is the sound of a cat playing with a…
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Do not approach the potentially rabid raccoon, do not approach the potentially rabid raccoon, do not approach the potentially rabid raccoon
Raccoons are mostly nocturnal. So if you’re seeing one during the day, something is up. Ie: you might have trapped its kits in your eaves by sealing up the holes in your roof (Bring me your furry…) or… it might possibly be… rabid. And yet… when a raccoon appears on my deck, my immediate impulse…
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Pizza, popcorn and falling up the stairs
I clutch the handrail, lifting one foot in front of the other. David follows me, really close – my personal border collie……
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Harrison Ford in my peripherals
As I’m taking off my coat and boots, Harrison Ford is in my peripherals. He’s wearing a suit. He’s on an airplane. “Are you guys watching Air Force One?” I ask, stashing my wet boots next to the heating vent. “We are!” says David. This proves that if there was ever a Name That Movie…
