The stress of the 2016 Presidential election has my lower intestines in Stevedore Stopper knots. I’m not even American. The outcome of the election won’t really affect me as someone north of the 42nd. I mean, apart from all the anti-Hillary Republicans who are threatening to move to Canada should the Democrats win and the…
It’s come to this: I am now answering Facebook quizzes in my own head. Without the computer. And not the normal ones like: Which Disney Princess are you? Which Shakespearean character would you be?What breed of cat are you? Nope, this mostly Pagan gal has this one pin-balling around her cranium: Which Bible character is…
“Is everything okay?” asks David, picking up on my funk. “Yep. All good.” I give him a big thumbs up with a side of overly-enthusiastic smile. He gives me a pointed look. I ignore him and lift my chin. Rissa says “Mama do you need a hug?” Yes, I do. I do need a hug. …
“We need to kill all the cats.” “Huh?” I am lying on my side in bed, eyebrows so low that I can feel them on my upper lip. “WE. NEED. TO. KILL. ALL. THE. CATS.“ “You don’t mean that. You love the cats.” “4:45!“ “Hmmm?” “4 FUCKING 45 this morning Minuit with her fishy kibble…
WARNING: THERE IS BAD LANGUAGE IN THIS POST “Shit-Piss-Fuck-Mother-FUCKER!!” “What? What is it?” David asks, his interest now piqued. “This fucking touchpad!” “Okay, steady on there, my love.” “You fucking steady on – JUST LET ME FUCKING HIGHLIGHT THE FUCKING SENTENCE!!!“ “O…KAY… It’s time to take your hand off the touchpad.” “I HATE IT. I…
Every January it’s the same. After a holiday season filled with my mother’s impossible-to-resist butter tarts, whipped shortbread and banana-cherry slice; after the boxes of Turtles, bars of Toblerone and Chicago Mix popcorn – I’m basically fucked. How is it that I make it through the first part of December relatively unscathed, only to then…
I fucked it all up last January. That was when I had a sore throat that turned into the flu, that turned into bronchitis which knocked me on my ass for about two months and instead of pushing through as I usually would, I actually rested. Mostly on account of the fact that after walking…
WARNING: I USE BAD WORDS IN THIS POST Fuck peri-menopause. FUCK IT!!! I do my best, I really do, I try to find the silver fucking lining to pretty much everything, but COME ON!!! I am sitting here drenched as I type. Because why? Because I had fucking Chinese food! Apparently MSG can trigger hot…
“I’m going to have a quick shower!” I say, heading up the stairs. “O….kay…” This from David in the kitchen, his tone oddly sarcastic. “Pardon?” I say – ducking down to catch his eye. “Nothing,” he shrugs before smiling falsely. The temperature in the room has dropped about 15 degrees. “Is something going on?” I…
“Would you mind grabbing my phone from the Jeep?” asks my friend Meaghan, as she’s filling out some paperwork at the permits desk. “Sure, no problem,” I say. I head out to the parking lot towards her white Jeep SUV. Try the doors. Locked. Run back inside. “Keys. I’ll need the keys,” I say. “Oh,…