I was joking around. Throwing out the one-liners. Getting people to relax. Chit-chatting. Looking all unconcerned and unaffected by the process. Slipped on my kick-ass heels and crossed my ankles delicately, doing my best to channel Julie London. Then, as I walked in front of the auditioning panel, I felt those same ankles tremble. My…
Twice last summer, I woke myself by biting my tongue in my sleep. Really hard. Lots of blood, can’t-chew-your-food-the-next-day, hard. So, like any modern gal, I Googled it. Type ‘biting tongue in sleep’ into Google and the next thing you know, you’ve got epilepsy. And then you start reading about all the symptoms of epilepsy…
So you know how, when you have to go through Customs, even if you aren’t smuggling anything you get all freaked out and start to wonder, “Hey! Maybe I DO have a condom full of cocaine in my lower intestinal tract”? Every single time we get a letter from the Canada Revenue Agency I lose…
I’m not a ‘half-measures’ kind of gal. If I’m doing something, it’s usually at full tilt. I’m very ‘event oriented.’ I go on a blitz right up until an event starts. One year for Rissa’s birthday party, my Mom couldn’t believe that I was sewing slipcovers for the our patio cushions 5 minutes before arrival…
This morning I awoke to the mother of all migraines. She looked like this: Meg Mucklebones from Ridley Scott’s Legend The 1 inch of sunlight from beneath the blind – that tiny amount of light – was akin to having good ol’ Meg use her lovely fingernails to gouge out my baby blues. I popped…
4 days. I left them for 4 days. I tried. I really did. I was making a point. My point: do your own frickin’ dishes! There weren’t even that many: a frying pan Rissa had used for scrambled eggs, cutlery, some serving utensils, that green, silicone, paint-stick-style stirrer and some wee ice cream bowls. I…
Is what my friend, the OR nurse, thought I’d emailed her about. (I’d sent an email message to a couple of my nursing friends, because I figured that they are the ones on the front lines and know the good vs bad doctors.) My friend responded via email. “Very good news that your cardiac issues…
This is a sarcastic dance. You know what I’m talking about ladies. It’s awesome, right? You’re sitting at the computer before bed, trying to get some work done or at least check in on the state of the universe. You’re in some sort of nightie/chemise/tank top – sans bra – because wearing a bra in…
WARNING: There is adult language in this post Just shoot me now. Please. I know, I know… I know that I’m not supposed to. After a long winter and meteorologically weird spring, I know that I’m supposed to be SO happy that heat has come to Canada… but for me, summer in Southern Ontario…
WARNING – This post is about sex. We took a workshop at an ‘adult’ club in ‘sensual sensory deprivation.‘ Welcome to marriage after the first decade. When David mentioned it, I immediately imagined a water tank in the dark in complete silence, basically like being trapped alive in a box, pretty much my ultimate nightmare,…