I am now the mother of a teenaged daughter. How the hell did that happen? One day she was 3 and now she’s 13. Rissa is now 13. Except she looks like she’s 17. She draws the male eye. And not just the eye of her peers, but the eye of dudes who are a…
WARNING: Female things discussed. Peter de Seve, Thar She Blows (sketch) I am in idiot. Why couldn’t I just leave well enough alone? Sure, there was that pregnancy scare because I hadn’t had my period in 3 months, but why couldn’t I just embrace the peri-menopause? Why did I have to seek out the OBGYN…
His name is Steve. He’s an orange tabby. Sure, exceptionally affectionate and purrs up a storm, but really your typical tom cat. If I were to put him up on Ebay, or Kijiji – what do you think he’d go for? Any guesses? $100? $500? How about $1000? This cat must have freakin’ gold in…
WARNING: THERE IS FOUL LANGUAGE IN THIS POST I bit the bullet. I bought a pregnancy test. Even though I’m in peri-menopause and David is fixed. I used it yesterday afternoon, right before my Mom, Dad and brother Michael came to visit. I peed for “at least 3 seconds” and “no more than 5.” I…
Is what I’m thinking because I haven’t had my period now in 12 weeks. I know I’m in peri-menopause and all, but there’s still this little part of me that worries, you know? It worries that this extra weight which I can’t seem to get rid of lately, no matter how much I over-exercise and…
David is massaging my feet. He is the best spouse. We’d returned from an after-dinner walk; instead of me taking the lead, I’d been dragging my feet a bit, looking a little low. (I’d had a cardiologist’s appointment in the morning. More tests – this one with me wearing an air-tight mask, riding a…
Upon her return from school, Rissa makes her way into the kitchen. I am writing in the dining room. “There’s leftover tosada stuff in the fridge and some cherry tomatoes,” I direct from my post at the laptop. Après school snack reminders are much needed for my child, who, when her blood-sugar is low, can…
It’s Rissa’s fault. She sent me a video, “Orangutan makes friend with dog.” Next thing you know, I’m using the You Tube taster’s menu down the right side of the page. Instead of exercising before work, I’m surfing You Tube – watching dozens of animals videos. I could have at least gone into work early,…
“Pass me the scalpel,” I say. “No,” says David. “Please?” “No.” “Don’t you even want to know what it’s for?” “No.” “I’m not going to use it for anything bad.” “You’re going to cut into your body right?” “Well, yeah, but just…” “And it’ll probably be near an important artery, right?” “I would completely avoid…
WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE in this post. As I checked my email Sunday morning, this note, in Rissa’s handwriting, was to the left of the keyboard: AWESOME LEVIATHAN FACTS! 306 feet high, 80 degree drop, 148 km/h, 32 passengers p/car That was the first time on Sunday that I thought I might woof my cookies. The…