Lifting the straps wasn’t helping. Why not? Lifting the straps always helps. The band just seems to… What the? I’m in the office bathroom. I lift my shirt and present my back to the mirror. The whole left side of the brassiere band is… torn?? How much pressure are my tatas putting on this brassiere?…
The potatoes in the chicken corn chowder should have been cooked. They’d been in the crock pot for 8 hours. Instead they were crunchy. After 8 hours in the crock pot – they were still raw, crunchy potatoes. Tried to nuke the chicken corn chowder, but cooking everything together just made the creamy parts curdle. …
I laugh with everyone else when they post texts from their Mom peppered with profanity as the auto-correct takes hold of the device. I’m sure that if my Mom were texting me, her messages would be equally hilarious. Typing too fast in Scrabble chat gives almost the same effect.
“Do tampons come in anything bigger than SUPER PLUS size?” asks Rissa. “I didn’t even know they came in a SUPER PLUS size…” I answer. “They do.” I only pick up Rissa-sized things. Having fully converted to the Diva Cup a while ago – I haven’t purchased tampons for me in so long. I do…
There’s a difference between mucus and phlegm. I mean beyond the spelling. Although, frankly, just spelling ‘phlegm’ gives me a sick philologist’s thrill. That ‘g’ – it is so tasty. Basically, mucus is supposed to be there and phlegm isn’t. Mucus relates to actual mucoid tissue – like say in your nose or eyes or…
A slightly bigger cross-body bag. In a fancy colour. That’s all I wanted. Slightly larger than the bag already slung across my shoulders, my affordable purple Kipling bag, the physical representation of which gave me a template for the size the new bag needed to be bigger than. ‘Cause unless you have a small tape…
I don’t do it on purpose. It’s just that in my capacity as impulsive animal saviour, I may, on the rare occasion, leave them with PTSD. There you are, a woolly bear caterpillar or a fat earth worm, trying to make your way across the asphalt bike path, when you suddenly find yourself rolled, pushed,…
I missed being the small spoon. If I didn’t really throw my arm over David’s side, I could almost manage the big spoon. But small spoon? Months had passed since I’d been able to lie on my right side and claim that privilege. Heavy sighs. Discomfort. Near tears… a new nighttime ritual. “What is it…
SPOILER ALERT! The soft porn had been unexpected. From what I knew of the books, I’d gleaned that there’d be kilts, horses, time travel, romance to be sure – but the soft porn? A delightful bonus. The opening allusion to sex in the first episode of Outlander – was just that – allusory. Squeaky bedsprings…
What 80s movie are you? What’s your old person’s name? Which Dwarf are you? What breed of dog? What Harry Potter Character? What ice cream flavour? What Shakespearean heroine? What turn of the century inventor? What Norse God? What Titan? What Dr. Seuss book? What Mathematical Equation? What Scrabble letter? Okay, I admit it –…