“You guys just don’t understand!!” “Nobody else’s mother does this, you know…” mutters Rissa. “Yes, but this needs to be documented! I’ve been suffering for at least two weeks now!” I’m sitting in front of the webcam. “She’s right Heather, this is weird… even for you,” David chimes in. “Why are you guys laughing?” “Why?”…
What’s most difficult, is telling them all apart. I’ve had to invest in a high-resolution magnifying glass in order to differentiate. I’m thinking of sewing wee little smocks with their names on them. Alistair, Bernice, Connal, Dee, Ernest… I’m going for asexual in style – I don’t want to limit them. Should they decide in…
My friend Matt made me a drink a couple of weekends back: bourbon, ginger ale, lime juice, mint, a sugar cube and ice – you know, to cool it all off and make it perfect for sipping in the backyard. Just typing the ingredient list sets my salivary glands headlong into a sweet drool. I…
Just a while back, I had a bra-piphany. I was saved. I learned that I could spin my bra so that I wouldn’t have to do it up in the back, thereby saving me from further damage to the rotator cuff on my right arm and also saving me from having to replace my entire…
Oh, those iconic 80s dance films…. Quick! Name the winners! For me it’s three Fs, a D and a W – Fame, Flashdance and Footloose – Dirty Dancing and White Nights. Rissa had already seen Footloose, Dirty Dancing and White Nights – I got it into my head that she needed to see the other…
“CHIPMUNK!!“ “Where? Where?” “There, by the BBQ – Lola’s losing her mind” Lola is at the screen door, nose pressed to the mesh, tail flicking, teetch chattering. “There! Do you see him?” “Where?” “There! Now he’s by the post!” “Where?” “There! Now he’s by the bike tire…” *** “BUNNY!!!!“ “Where? Where?” “There! Half way…
When you find pants that fit you perfectly – the pair that turns your derriere into the Holy Grail of asses – the pair that makes your ankles look edible – those pants – you buy those in bulk. Retro style cigarette pants. Just above the ankle. Audrey Hepburnesque. My version of the cigarette pant…
The plan had been to wash my hair in the bathtub. My scalp just couldn’t take any more, I would lose my mind if I didn’t shampoo. It’d had been three days since the shower curtain had been taken down to make way for the skim coat of drywall compound. Problem was, the week was…
My body is such an over-achiever. It is racing full-on towards decrepitude decades before the norm. The good news? I’m like those Sentinels from X-Men: Days of Future Past – I am able to adapt with every challenge. My Achilles Tendons ache when I wear 4 inch heels? Not a problem! 3 inch heels it…
Minuit hated the kittens as soon as they entered our home. Despised them. She exhibited such violent loathing that we frequently had to physically remove her from their backs and spray her with water. At the age of 4, Minuit was well-on her way to being crotchety (not to be confused with crochet-y – although…