I am an archer. My arms stretch in opposing directions, pulling the nylon. But unlike the Olympic bulls-eye 229 feet away, my target is closer. The nylon/spandex thong in my hands is pulled near-to-tearing so that I may circumnavigate my hips. I’m Magellan! Boy shorts don’t cause this problem. Boy shorts squoosh everything into…
David recently treated me to a romantic weekend away in the big city. He planned it all. We stayed in a hotel. We had fancy dinners. He even packed for me. He organized (ahem) activities. And by activities I mean… SEX… and lots of it, without your child’s ears in close proximity. In fact, having…
WARNING: ADULT CONTENT Cutie Pie Wax Bar – Vancouver’s Waxing Destination vajazzle Pronunciation: /vəˈdʒaz(ə)l/ –vajazzle, v.: adorn the pubic area (of a woman) with crystals, glitter, or other decoration. Okay, have I been living under a rock? How did I not know about this? My friend Narda read it in a pulp fiction book and…
Jack Lemmon with maracas Some Like It Hot 1959 Screenplay Wilder & Diamond after a story by Lomax and Thereon Last night we shared Some Like it Hot with Rissa for the first time. As soon as she saw the B&W hit the screen – she rolled her eyes. “Is the whole movie like this?”…
WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE IN THIS POST I might have developed this… uh….little… small… (wee really)… obsession with Tim Minchin. Nothing warranting Mr. Minchin seeking out a restraining order or anything. It’s totally the Bloggess’s fault. In September of this year, she mentioned him in one of her posts. I watched some clips on You Tube…
Is it hot in here? I have solved the impending energy crisis! It’s so simple. We hook up all the women in the world who are having hot flashes… into a power grid. Women ‘of a certain age’ giving off their heat – the combined estrus would produce more energy than the SUN. As long…
Clumping cat litter? When it gets covered with a deluge of water? When you’re trying to get it off the floor with paper towels or scoop it up into a dust pan? VERY close, in consistency and appearance, to cat diarrhea. (quelling urge to vomit) Even though I KNOW that it’s NOT cat diarrhea, the…
David is twisting the lids back on the peanut butter and jam. I am looking at him incredulously – eyes wide, my eyebrows raised nearly to my hairline. “What?!” asks David. “It’s just…” I’m nearly speechless. “I never see you do that.” He snorts. “I do too!” “HAH! You NEVER put things away.” “I put…
So last night was the night before I’m the Matron of Honour in a wedding party. What time did I get to bed? 2:45 a.m. Not because I was partying beforehand at the rehearsal dinner. (Although I did see a friend totally kick ass in a drag king contest!!! Woo-hoo!) But I was home at…
My life will never be the same! WARNING – ADULT CONTENT AND MORE THAN LIKELY TOO MUCH INFORMATION – IF YOU’RE A PRUDE – DO NOT KEEP READING. SERIOUSLY. I AIN’T KIDDING HERE. ALRIGHT, IT’S YOUR FUNERAL. You know it’s a good bachelorette party when you come back with a broken baby toe and you…