ALL THE BAD WORDS
“I GIVE UP!!” I yowl, flopping down on the living room floor, desperately trying to ground myself as I drag my fingers through the carpet fibers…
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I’ve ordered HOW much from Amazon?!?
I’ve managed to curb non-essential spending by online window shopping and pinning the fuck out of colourful things on Pinterest…
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My New Superpower
In spite of our best efforts, this week’s pancakes are mostly crap…
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Wrestling with Lola at 3:00 a.m.
Lola is the most erratic of our three cats. She’s the one whose pupils dilate to an alarming size as she stares at a point, just over your left shoulder, where a knife-wielding maniac has obviously taken up residence…
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Is it pore cleansing or waxing your nose?
Okay, so those Bioré nose strips? Is that accent aigu real? I mean, is it actually French or is it like Hӓagen-Dazs where they decided to make it sound fancier and European for the cachet of it all?
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Downward Braless Dog
With my head tucked, my oversized Aerie shirt slides up over my face…
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I spent HOW much at No Frills??
The good news? Now I can whip some fucking cream (that isn’t in ANY way lactose-free) to put on my lactose-fucking-free coconut milk ice cream which I can then cover in salted fucking caramel sauce…
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You put your snorkel where?!?
It’s the cannabis brownie. That’s why we’re laughing…
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The Humpback near the Cenotaph
I swear I was not being intentionally disrespectful. I just couldn’t take it any more…
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MOLES? We don’t need no stinking MOLES!
Is mole DNA similar to rabbit DNA? And by “mole” I mean a mole on your face or body, and by rabbit I mean literal fucking rabbits…
