Dear Heather: “We are writing to invite you to get checked for colon (bowel) cancer.” I’m sorry, you’re…? reads the sentence again… You’re inviting me to WHAT?? “After age 50, your risk of getting this disease goes up.” How much? How MUCH does it go up?? Could I get actual percentages here? Into what level of panic…
Ah, to have friends who share their cottage life! The bonfires! The smores! The water activities!! DAY 1 David, 45, who spent his youthful summers at one cottage or other – boating, fishing and excelling at every water sport – is the first in the water – skiing. He gets up on the skis first…
THE CHARACTERS Steve – An orange Tom cat – goofy, playful, more than a little bit dumb Lola – A very petite black cat – nervous, silly, terrified if you pick her up. Minuit – A rotund, older black cat – crotchety, belligerent, sounds like…
Feeling too structured in your cycle? Wanting more spontaneity in your underwear choices? TRY PERI-MENOPAUSE!! Women all over the world are now enjoying less frequent periods while still getting all the blood loss they typically had–in shorter (or sometimes longer) times! “I’m just thrilled with having my period again for the 2nd time in two weeks!”…
I finally take the leap. After years of sewing and resewing, I toss my decade-old leggings with their worn, next-to-nonexistent inner thigh seams into the garbage. And just to be sure that I won’t fish them out again when that bout of clothing nostalgia hits, I cover them in more garbage. Which means that I…
“Do you qualify for our discount today?” “What discount?” I asked. Even though, from the moment the word ‘discount’ left her lips, in the back of my head, I knew what she was going to say. But in that 1/4 of a second it took her to reply, I found myself silently begging… Please don’t say…
“Do you think there are videos on YouTube on how to do minor surgery?” I ask David. “No,” David says with a note of finality in his voice. “No?” “No, you may not do minor surgery on yourself.” “Don’t be silly. I wouldn’t do minor surgery on myself.” David’s eyebrows rise as high as they…
“You look like you’re having deep, introspective thoughts,” says David. We sit with Rissa, waiting for her first university tour. “Hmmmm…?” I am, indeed, lost in thought – imagining a future where my daughter is not a daily presence. “You’re looking very deep,” David continues. I snort. “What?” “All I can think now is that…
“Do you think we can take tasteful pictures of my breasts?” David perks up. “Most certainly.” “For public consumption?” “Pardon?” “You know, for my blog…” “Ummmmm…” His mouth opens and closes. “Don’t get me wrong. I am ALL for your breasts being on display. But… why do you want to have tasteful breast pictures on…
If I’m walking funny today, it’s because I’ve been well and truly fucked. $13.38 folks. I spent $13.38 on 1.365 kg of gluten free flour.* I thought I was doing the right thing, I really did. I thought that buying all purpose, gluten free flour at the Bulk Barn had to be cheaper than getting…