“Would you like to see a puppet show?” asks Rissa as we travel into Toronto on the GO Train. “YES!” David and I encourage enthusiastically. Rissa clears her throat and reaches into her bag. “TA-DAH!!!” She flourishes two Compak Tampons in their wrappers – one purple, one yellow. Holding them vertical, she presents them to…
Feeling down? In a funk? Is your life a great honking pile of crap? In your circle of friends/family you must know one child in pre-ballet class. It’s spring. It’s the end of recreational classes. Find a dance recital. I can guarantee that upon viewing a pre-ballet recital, your mood will improve. There will…
“You’re telling me this is normal?” David asks. “Pardon?” I’m combing through my conditioned hair with my finger tips in the shower. I glance over at him. His face is the perfect combination of horror/disgust/concern. He directs my gaze to the shower wall, where I have been depositing my ‘extra’ hair. I shrug. “Relatively,” I…
WARNING: Feminine issues discussed “Are you FREAKING kidding me?” “What? What is it?” David looks into the bathroom from the hallway. He finds me on the toilet, scowling downward. I shoot him a look. “Seriously?” he asks. “Didn’t you just…?” “Yes. Yes I DID just… It’s been almost two full weeks – off and on.”…
WARNING: REAL LIFE IS DISCUSSED In 1979, my mother attended a parent council meeting in Kingston, Nova Scotia. The topic: SEX EDUCATION. (Gasp!) The community was up in arms – what were they going to be teaching our kids?? If you teach kids about sex, all they’ll want to do is try it for themselves!!…
“Who needs an eggroll??” I ask from upstairs. “A-PRIL! NOT EGGROLL MUMMY!!!” “Pardon??” “THERE WAS NO EGGROLL MENTIONED!” “My bad.” “Speaking of eggrolls,” says David. “Nice segue…” “Who’s up for seeing a movie after school?” “Age of Voltron?” I ask excitedly. “ULTRON, Mummy!” “Right ULTRON!” “There was a Voltron, you know,” says David. “It was…
“Are you done with this?” asks David as he holds up the scrubby sponge. “I am, thanks. If you wouldn’t mind putting it away.” He looks around all confuseled. “You don’t know where it lives, do you?” I ask. “Sure I do,” he says – gesticulating wildly – a vain attempt to distract from his…
I should have worn extra protection. I didn’t because it’s Day 4 – my feminine mystique slacks off by Day 4. Plus, my faithful Diva Cup holds a full ounce – I should be good. And yet… the squelchiness. I wince when I bend over to grab a paint brush… Oh, that does not feel…
Rissa may look like me, but she gets her perfectionist streak from David. David comes from a long line of perfectionists. On his worst days, David will despair, “I’m not good at anything!!!” David is on crack when he says this. “I’m a Jack of all trades and master of none,” he huffs. “Okay, first…
We thought we’d experienced ‘wet dog.’ We’d had a partial autumn with our new furry family member. But really? Present April showers make last November’s cold rain seem like puppy play. The wet dog stench, the splattered walls when you don’t get to him before he shakes, the muddy footprints… My grumbling mantra: “I will…