“You’re telling me this is normal?” David asks. “Pardon?” I’m combing through my conditioned hair with my finger tips in the shower. I glance over at him. His face is the perfect combination of horror/disgust/concern. He directs my gaze to the shower wall, where I have been depositing my ‘extra’ hair. I shrug. “Relatively,” I…
WARNING: Feminine issues discussed “Are you FREAKING kidding me?” “What? What is it?” David looks into the bathroom from the hallway. He finds me on the toilet, scowling downward. I shoot him a look. “Seriously?” he asks. “Didn’t you just…?” “Yes. Yes I DID just… It’s been almost two full weeks – off and on.”…
WARNING: REAL LIFE IS DISCUSSED In 1979, my mother attended a parent council meeting in Kingston, Nova Scotia. The topic: SEX EDUCATION. (Gasp!) The community was up in arms – what were they going to be teaching our kids?? If you teach kids about sex, all they’ll want to do is try it for themselves!!…
“Who needs an eggroll??” I ask from upstairs. “A-PRIL! NOT EGGROLL MUMMY!!!” “Pardon??” “THERE WAS NO EGGROLL MENTIONED!” “My bad.” “Speaking of eggrolls,” says David. “Nice segue…” “Who’s up for seeing a movie after school?” “Age of Voltron?” I ask excitedly. “ULTRON, Mummy!” “Right ULTRON!” “There was a Voltron, you know,” says David. “It was…
“Are you done with this?” asks David as he holds up the scrubby sponge. “I am, thanks. If you wouldn’t mind putting it away.” He looks around all confuseled. “You don’t know where it lives, do you?” I ask. “Sure I do,” he says – gesticulating wildly – a vain attempt to distract from his…
I should have worn extra protection. I didn’t because it’s Day 4 – my feminine mystique slacks off by Day 4. Plus, my faithful Diva Cup holds a full ounce – I should be good. And yet… the squelchiness. I wince when I bend over to grab a paint brush… Oh, that does not feel…
Rissa may look like me, but she gets her perfectionist streak from David. David comes from a long line of perfectionists. On his worst days, David will despair, “I’m not good at anything!!!” David is on crack when he says this. “I’m a Jack of all trades and master of none,” he huffs. “Okay, first…
We thought we’d experienced ‘wet dog.’ We’d had a partial autumn with our new furry family member. But really? Present April showers make last November’s cold rain seem like puppy play. The wet dog stench, the splattered walls when you don’t get to him before he shakes, the muddy footprints… My grumbling mantra: “I will…
The most recent live-action retelling of Cinderella allows the viewer to get as up close and personal with red carpet style as one can get without attending the Oscars or Golden Globes. I watched most of the movie with my mouth slightly open… it was Canada Day with silk and taffeta fireworks. I’ve been…
In our old house, which had six staircases (two to the basement, two to the 2nd floor, two to the attic), our three cats never laid across them. They never lolled, never reclined, never became a stair obstacle. Our new house with one staircase to the 2nd floor? Is the cat equivalent to the local…